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People-pleasing behaviors aren't necessarily helpful — for us or for the other person, according to a recent article.People-PleasingWe’re asked whether we feel anxious at the idea of making someone unhappy by not doing what they want? Maybe we push your preferences to the side and say “yes” to everything to avoid conflict? These are signs of people-pleasing.People-pleasing behaviors aren't necessarily helpful — for you or for the other person. Do we find ourselves saying yes to everything? Maybe we worry that if we say no, the other person will be mad at us, or we’ll have FOMO later. Or more generally, we might feel like we’re walking on a tightrope all the time, trying to be “good enough.”While these feelings may play out as competence and hard work — good qualities — they can indicate the presence of anxiety. It’s important to know that’s not a bad thing, but it can be unhelpful.People-PleasingDo we feel anxious at the idea of making someone unhappy by not doing what they want? Maybe we push our preferences to the side and say “yes” to everything to avoid conflict? These are signs of people-pleasing, according to a recent article.“This is especially true when we find ourselves engaging in behaviors to avoid sitting with the discomfort of anxiety,” said Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, a psychologist and the media adviser for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation.While it’s only natural to try to avoid anxiety — or any uncomfortable emotion — stress that’s not dealt with can lead to health problems, harmful coping strategies and more.“They go out of their way to make others happy, even at the expense of their own needs, because they fear that saying ‘no’ or disappointing others will result in disapproval, loss of relationships or other negative outcomes,” Lira de la Rosa explained. “This can be a manifestation of social anxiety and fear of not being accepted.”What to try instead: While it may feel scary, it’s suggested we push ourselves to set healthy boundaries, stick to our values and say “no,” Lira de la Rosa encouraged. We have to take care of ourselves.Baby steps can help us get there the article states. It’s proposed that people “gradually experiment with small instances of assertiveness and notice that relationships often improve when you are honest about your own needs.”For example, we might tell our parents that we’re uninterested in talking about our appearance and find that they respect that, opting for more meaningful questions at family dinners.Having High Levels Of EmpathyThe article notes that empathy — or understanding and sharing someone’s feelings — is a beautiful thing and an important part of relationships.At the same time, it has “cons,” so to speak, especially at extreme levels. It can contribute to people-pleasing and feeling hopeless, to name a couple of effects (aka, one reason why “doomscrolling” is not a good idea).So, we’re advised to consider trying to be more aware of when we’re falling into that trap. Ahead, check out some of the signals. Do they hit home?Staying Calm In A CrisisA soothing voice and calm demeanor can be beneficial in crisis situations, like when a kid gets hurt or there’s a PR issue at work. The concern lies in what may have contributed to the person responding that way.“Those who are more used to the stress of anxiety tend to react to crisis and extreme stress more effectively because their brains are acclimated to these high-stress states,” explained Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, podcaster, researcher and author of “Surviving Suicidal Ideation: From Therapy to Spirituality and the Lived Experience.”“Something to be mindful of with this, however, and a coping skill to adopt, is that all bodies will hit a point of burnout, and with someone with high anxiety, they may not realize there is an issue until they are experiencing extreme reactions and even medical issues and inflammation,” Kelley explained.What to try instead: Simply put, we’re asked to give ourselves breaks — especially after highly stressful moments — instead of trying to power through without breaking a sweat.Kelley said high levels of empathy are associated with higher levels of inflammation and can contribute to social anxiety, as well.What to try instead: Again, healthy boundaries and self-compassion are important. More specifically, Kelley suggested meditation and positive self-talk.“This can help translate extreme empathy responses to compassion for others, which has a positive impact on our well-being,” she explained.Hyper-responsibilityFeel the urge to be in charge of everything so it gets done (and gets done right)? Maybe we’re the “mom friend” when we and our friends go out, or we feel like everyone’s well-being is on our shoulders, or we hate having to rely on others during group projects.If so, we may be taking “hyper-responsibility.” While this can feel helpful, it can also put undue stress on us.“Taking on too much responsibility can come from a need to feel in control of uncertain situations or to prevent potential problems,” Lira de la Rosa said. “This may stem from anxiety about the future or a fear of being blamed if things go wrong.”These individuals may take on tasks that aren’t theirs, he continued, believing it will prevent negative outcomes.What to try instead: Two keywords: delegate (to others) and challenge (yourself).“Learn to delegate and trust others to manage their own responsibilities,” Lira de la Rosa said, adding that not everything is within our control or can be made perfect. “Challenge the thought patterns driving the need to over-control by considering the actual likelihood of worst-case scenarios happening.”Lira de la Rosa stressed that he wants to validate what people are experiencing while also acknowledging the harm. “Anxiety is a normal, human emotion and can help us achieve, but it can also be detrimental to our overall well-being,” he said.The main takeaway here: Take care of ourselves in these anxiety-ridden moments, setting boundaries and giving ourselves compassion. Our minds and bodies deserve it! Victoria Craig

And we've probably said it multiple times today.According to therapists, "shoulding" ourselves — or saying that we should do this and should do that — can lead to guilt and shame. If we’ve ever uttered sentences like “I should really spend some time cleaning,” “I should just get over this already” or “I should work on my presentation,” we may be “shoulding” ourselves.“Shoulding yourself is a cognitive distortion, and ... so many of us often engage in it,” said Carrie Howard, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety coach said in a recent article.“I shouldn’t eat that cake” and “I should have responded differently in the situation” are two examples of this, said Howard, noting that it can also involve words like “must,” “ought to” and “have to.”“It’s basically a sort of automatic thought or statement that you might use on yourself that creates this sense of obligation that hasn’t been mindfully or rationally weighed out by factual information,” she said.It’s noted that while there are certainly things that we should do, not every task or action needs to fall into this category. These kinds of “should” statements can add a sense of obligation or shame to the equation, Howard noted.This is often damaging, since feelings of guilt can immobilize people or lead to procrastination instead of healthy action, she added. We’re asked if we ever told ourself that we should finish some project when we don’t feel like it, only to pick up our phone and scroll through social media instead? We’re advised that this can create a cycle of feeling bad about ourselves.In addition, “shoulding” ourselves can be a sign that we’re disconnected from our likes and dislikes, according to Meghan Watson, the founder and clinical director of Bloom Psychology & Wellness in Toronto.“There are elements that are rooted in uncertainty, there are elements that are rooted in confusion, detachment [and] disconnection from self — like, ‘what should I do?’” Watson said.The article points out that some people find it hard to separate what they truly want from what they’re told to want by external influences and societal pressures. These influences might come from our family, culture, friendships or role as a caregiver, parent or partner.For example, if outside forces make us feel the need to be perfect all the time, we’ll be carrying around huge amounts of pressure with every decision. Or, if we tell ourselves to just get over a disagreement with a friend, we’ll rob ourselves of the time we need to move forward. Eventually, we’ll feel governed by the shame and guilt that accompanies these “should” statements, Watson said.“Every time that we automatically jump to “shoulding” ourselves, we bypass the important process of really checking in with ourselves, learning to trust ourselves to make the best decision, and being able to mindfully weigh out how the potential decision does or doesn’t align with our goals, values and desires,” Howard explained.Telling ourselves that we "should" do something can be harmful the article states. To put the power back in our hands, it’s suggested to try replacing that word with "want to" or "choose to."We’re tolf this doesn’t mean we need to totally erase “should” statements from our vocabulary. But being aware of our obligations and responsibilities is different from mindlessly giving in to something that we feel we should do.“There are times when there are legitimate expectations and obligations that we have in life, and there are times when it’s wise to do something that we don’t feel like doing,” Howard said. As an example, maybe we don’t feel like going for a walk, but we know it will benefit our physical and mental health.“The difference here is this: “Shoulding” yourself is an automatic process that doesn’t have mindful reason attached to it,” Howard said, emphasizing that this is what leads to a sense of guilt. Instead, we can mindfully weigh and understand our obligations and expectations, she explained.“Stating the facts around the situation, weighing the costs and benefits of our decision, and deciding whether or not the decision aligns with our goals and values are ways that we can mindfully navigate our responsibilities and true obligations,” she said.Watson said there are positive “shoulds” in life too, like “should I take this job?” or “should I respond in this way?” “The actual word ‘should’ really invites the question of, is this where I want to go? Is this who I want to be?” she said.These are big questions, but it’s easier to answer positive “shoulds” (and avoid negative ones) when we rid ourselves of toxic narratives and focus on your beliefs and values, Watson said.How To Stop “Shoulding” OurselvesUsing mindfulness is one way to push back against any “shoulding” you do, said Howard. “Because “shoulding” yourself is such an automatic habit, we can really begin to combat this by taking the process off of autopilot,” she explained.Take note when you hear yourself say or think words like “should” and “have to,” she suggested. “Challenge the assumption that you ‘should’ be doing this,” said Howard. “Are you basing this on facts, or on feeling? Are there any underlying fears attached to your ‘should’ statement?”We’re further reminded to ask ourselves: What are we afraid will happen if we don’t go along with our “should”? What are the benefits or consequences of our choice, and does it align with our goals and values?“By asking yourself some of these questions with curiosity, you begin to mindfully weigh a decision instead of automatically getting hijacked by the unchecked ‘should,’” Howard said. It can also be useful to replace the word “should” with something else. One option is the phrase “choose to,” Howard said.“This is another way you can mindfully notice that as an adult, you have the agency to weigh a decision and choose the best thing for you,” she noted. So rather than saying “I should do my homework,” you might say “I choose to do my homework because it aligns with my educational goals,” Howard explained.Unlike the inadequacy and shame that accompany “should” statements, the word “choose” can inspire “meaningful action, motivation, a sense of agency or accomplishment,” Howard said.Watson suggested using “want to” or “need to” as other replacements for “should.” Then, “you can really ... start to think about those decisions in a more constructive way,” she said. “Instead of ‘should,’ maybe there’s a want or a desire there, or there’s a need. And I think people have a better conceptualization of ‘is this something I want versus need?’”The article stresses that since resorting to “should” statements is often habitual, this change may not be easy. “Give yourself room to be a work in progress when it comes to dealing with this “shoulding” mentality,” Watson said.The aim is that by removing the pressure of “should,” we’ll be better prepared to do what we truly want to do and the things that align with our goals and values.Courtesy Jillian Wilson, HuffPost Victoria Craig

According to a recent report, while we may strive to be kind and compassionate in our communications with people, we’re bound to fall short sometimes. And one of the ways we do that in conversation is when we condescend, or talk down, to the other person.We’re being condescending when we speak to someone in a way that implies our own superiority, said journalist Celeste Headlee, author of “We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter.”“It generally involves some kind of haughty tone, but condescension also almost always involves a passive-aggressive behavior,” Headlee told HuffPost.“In other words, when you are condescending to someone as in, ‘Bless your heart,’ you are putting on a false persona of kindness but beneath that is that clear message of superiority. You’re treating them in a way that shows that they are an inferior.”The tendency to talk down to others may have to do with trying to elevate our own social status, Headlee suggested.“Our survival has always depended on our rank, our status, within a community,” she said. “We need to be in a safe place within a community because it is through belonging — it is through community — that human beings survive.”Every conversation we have involves “impression management” in one way or another, she explained, “meaning that we are constantly managing the impression that we make on others.”“So people condescend because it’s a way — whether it be conscious or not — that we can establish our rank above another person,” she said.According to Southern California psychotherapist Elisabeth Crain, speaking to others in a condescending manner can often be “traced back to underlying insecurity or an inflated ego,” though she acknowledges this also happens when a person is just having a bad day and isn’t cognizant of how they’re coming off.The article further notes that we all slip up from time to time, but generally we want to avoid communicating in a condescending way because it’s insulting and demeaning to the other person.“Nobody likes being condescended to. No one likes being told, ‘You’re of lower rank than I am,’ or ‘I’m superior to you,’ which is essentially the underlying message of condescension,” Headlee said.“The person on the receiving end is left with a bunch of feelings about the way the information has been presented, rather than the information itself,” Crain said. “That, in and of itself, is a reason people should avoid talking in a condescending manner. They’re going to lose their messaging and lose the efficacy of what they’re trying to get across to others.”It’s also suggested that condescension can also show up not just in what we say, but the tone of voice we employ, as well as nonverbal cues like facial expressions — e.g., rolling our eyes — or body language like patting someone on the head.The author provides some commonly used condescending phrases we may be saying without realizing their impact. (And we’re reminded to keep in mind that what’s condescending to one person may not be to another. It’s not a one-size-fits-all thing, Headlee pointed out.) ‘Oh, how cute.’Other variations, including “that’s sweet” or the Southern “bless your heart,” can also come across as condescending. If we’re genuinely trying to express that something is cute or sweet, that’s fine. But be mindful of when we’re using a tone of superiority, Crain said.“‘That’s cute’ can come off as belittling,” she explained. “It’s also not appropriate or helpful to label things like someone’s understanding of something or effort to try to do something as ‘cute.’”Headlee offered another example: Say a friend is telling us about their boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, but we don’t really like that person. Our friend shares a story and we respond with, “Oh, that’s so sweet” in a patronizing kind of way.“If you were in that situation, if you were telling a friend about a new boyfriend, what would you want to hear from that friend?” she said. “Even if they didn’t like them, you’d probably want to hear something like, ‘I’m so glad. It sounds like you found somebody you really like and that makes me really happy. I want you to be happy.’”‘Well, actually...’ (or other mansplaining verbiage)Mansplaining is one of the more common examples of condescension, Headlee said.It’s “when you explain something to somebody that they either are already an expert in or that doesn’t really need to be explained, that they clearly know,” she said. “You often use really simplified language.”We’re told that phrasing may differ based on the situation, but a man chiming into a conversation with a woman to say “well, actually” and proceeding to lecture her on something obvious or something she already knows a great deal about is a classic example.Of course, if someone asks us a direct question or says they don’t know a term or recognize a concept, then we can go ahead and briefly fill them in. ‘You’re trying your best.’Again, the tone behind the words is really important here the article stresses.“At times, this can be a genuine consolation, but it can also be patronizing, especially if the tone doesn’t match the sentiment,” writer Phoebe Mertens notes on Bolde.com. “It can sound like they’ve set low expectations and are surprised that the person managed to meet even those.”Think of it this way, Headlee said: If you were opening up to a friend about how you’ve been looking for a job and the search has been really tough, how would you feel if they responded with, “Well, sounds like you’re trying your best.”“What would you want to hear in that situation? You’d probably want to hear something like, ‘God that sounds tough. It’s so rough to be looking for a job and not able to find one. You must be worried. Is there anything I could do to help?’” she said. “It’s always just about figuring out what you would want to hear in the situation.” ‘You just need to...’Another area of difficulty we’re told is giving someone definitive advice on how to live their life which definitely has a way of coming off as condescending.“For example, saying, ‘You should really do that; it would make your life so much better’ or ‘You must do that; you have to do this,’” Crain said.Saying things this way “implies that the person’s current way is wrong” and that you know better, Crain said.Even making a small tweak to our approach can help. Consider something like: “‘I think it could be helpful for you to do that,’ rather than, ‘You have to’ or ‘You should.’ Maybe try using ‘perhaps,’” Crain said.“Anything that suggests a definitive way of doing things can be perceived as condescending because it puts pressure on the message. ‘Perhaps’ softens that pressure,” she added. ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’This kind of response is both minimizing and invalidating, Oregon psychologist Scott Rower told HuffPost. It implies that just because we don’t think it’s important, the other person shouldn’t either, discounting their experience and feelings on the matter.“Whether you as the speaker think their feelings are disproportionate to the situation doesn’t change that the person is feeling these feelings,” Rower said. “Feelings are not chosen. The best way to keep these feelings active and someone stuck in them is to shame them for feeling them. Like the old phrase says, ‘What we resist persists.’” ‘You wouldn’t understand.’Or the above might be phrased like, “You wouldn’t get it” or “You don’t get it, do you?”“These phrases imply that the person on the receiving end isn’t smart enough to figure something out or understand an experience that’s not their own,” Crain said.And a final thought: Being condescending isn’t something that only inconsiderate people do. We all make these kinds of mistakes when speaking to others, Headlee said.“Conversation is one of the most complicated and difficult tasks any of us engage in. When you are in true conversation with another person, meaning you’re really listening to them and you’re engaging, it takes up a vast amount of cognitive power,” she explained.“You will say the wrong thing or someone will misinterpret your tone, so be prepared for it,” she continued. “Be ready to be corrected and see it as just a growth opportunity between the both of you.”This subject is really kind of an eye opener for me. I continually strive to be sincere and diplomatic in my interactions with others. After reading this article I will try my best to be more aware of the phrases and phrasing I use so as not to unintentionally offend.Courtesy Kelsey BorresenVictoria Craig

A recent article says there's a reason we dread looking at our Google calendars and other planners.Feeling too busy, or like we don't have time to do what we want, can lead to "time famine," according to Yale University psychology professor Laurie Santos. Time famine can lead to poorer work performance and burnout, and is just as harmful to our mental health as being unemployed, Santos told attendees at a conference last month. It even makes us less productive, because it makes us less happy, she said: "I think we feel strapped for time because we think working ... as much as we work all the time is essential for achieving the things we want to achieve in life."Four in five employed U.S. residents feel time-poor, according to a 2018 study. And Americans, particularly those under the age of 30, aren't that happy these days: The U.S. was recently ranked the 23rd happiest country in the world by Gallup's World Happiness Report, down eight spots from last year.Happier people typically live longer, healthier lives, research shows. Companies that support employees' well-being also are more profitable, according to a 2023 Indeed Survey.The good news the article says is that there are three simple actionable ways to build "time affluence," as Santos calls it, and improve our happiness. We should all think "about time the way we think about money," she said. Limit time blockingPlenty of productivity experts hail the practice of time blocking — transposing our to-do list onto our calendars, so we can give each task a dedicated amount of time. That includes calendar blocks for meal breaks and focused work times, alongside all our meetings and phone calls.Santos isn't a fan. A jam-packed calendar might look impressive, she said, but it can make us feel like there's no time to eat lunch, chat with colleagues or even finish that day's Wordle.Some tasks that belong on a to-do list don't deserve to take up space in our planner, Santos said. Giving ourselves time, with fewer interruptions, to work on larger projects can psychologically make you feel less busy, less stressed and as result, more productive, she added. Celebrate with 'time confetti'Say we're in a meeting that ends early, or we finish a task ahead of schedule. Whenever we find a couple of unexpected free minutes, we should celebrate it.Those tiny chunks of freedom are called "time confetti" — a term coined by author Brigid Schulte — and using them deliberately can also make us happier, said Santos.Instead of finding a new task or scrolling on our phone, we can use those five minutes to do something that makes us feel better, she suggested. We could go for a walk, meditate or even exchange pet photos with a colleague. Spend money, when needed, to get time backWorking hard is draining. Some of the best ways to rest, recover and reward ourselves do cost money, Santos noted.If we have to work late one day, we shouldn’t feel guilty eating leftovers or ordering takeout that night, she said. If we need a couple of extra minutes to get ready for an event, and public transit or parking is unpredictable, we should consider splurging on an Uber. Extra credit: Limit your 'yes, damns' and track your 'no, yays'Everyone's had a "yes, damn" moment. We accept meetings or take on extra tasks far in advance, and when the day comes, we resent how much time they eat up.Instead, try a "no, yay" moment — an idea comes from a 2005 psychology study — Santos suggested. The next time we turn down a small opportunity for the sake of getting something else done, set a reminder on the day it was supposed to happen. Then, instead of dreading it, we can celebrate the time we saved.The takeaway? Just like every other part of our bodies, we have to be mindful of the health of our brains - maybe even more vigilant given how important a role the brain has. So being busy isn't a bad thing, we just need to not overdo.Courtesy CNBCVictoria Craig

Did you know there's a reason we dread looking at the stacked blue, yellow and green blocks on our Google or other time management/appointment calendars.Feeling too busy, or like we don't have time to do what we want, can lead to "time famine," according to Yale University psychology professor Laurie Santos. Time famine can lead to poorer work performance and burnout, and is just as harmful to our mental health as being unemployed, Santos said. It even makes us less productive, because it makes us less happy. “I think we feel strapped for time because we think working ... as much as we work all the time is essential for achieving the things we want to achieve in life” she continued.According to a recent article, four in five employed U.S. residents feel time-poor, based on a 2018 study. And Americans, particularly those under the age of 30, aren't that happy these days: The U.S. was recently ranked the 23rd happiest country in the world by Gallup's World Happiness Report, down eight spots from last year.Happier people typically live longer, healthier lives, research shows. Companies that support employees' well-being also are more profitable, as indicated in a 2023 Indeed Survey.The good news: We are told there are three simple actionable ways to build "time affluence," as Santos calls it, and improve our happiness. We should all think "about time the way we think about money," she said. Limit time blockingPlenty of productivity experts hail the practice of time blocking — transposing our to-do list onto our calendar, so we can give each task a dedicated amount of time. That includes calendar blocks for meal breaks and focused work times, alongside all our meetings and phone calls.Santos isn't a fan. A jam-packed calendar might look impressive, she said, but it can make us feel like there's no time to eat lunch, chat with colleagues or even finish that day's Wordle.And some tasks that belong on a to-do list don't deserve to take up space in our planner, Santos said. Giving ourself time, with fewer interruptions, to work on larger projects can psychologically make us feel less busy, less stressed and as result, more productive, she added. Celebrate with 'time confetti'Say we're in a meeting that ends early, or we finish a task ahead of schedule. Whenever we find a couple of unexpected free minutes, we should celebrate it.Those tiny chunks of freedom are called "time confetti" — a term coined by author Brigid Schulte — and using them deliberately can also make us happier, said Santos.Instead of finding a new task or scrolling on our phone, we can use those five minutes to do something that makes us feel better, she suggested. We could go for a walk, meditate or even exchange pet photos with a colleague. Spend money, when needed, to get time backWorking hard is draining. Some of the best ways to rest, recover and reward ourselves do cost money, Santos noted.If we have to work late one day, don't feel guilty eating leftovers or ordering takeout that night, she said. If we need a couple of extra minutes to get ready for an event, and public transit or parking is unpredictable, consider splurging on an Uber. Extra credit: Limit our 'yes, damns' and track our 'no, yays'Everyone's had a "yes, damn" moment. We accept meetings or take on extra tasks far in advance, and when the day comes, we resent how much time they eat up.Instead, we should try a "no, yay" moment — an idea that comes from a 2005 psychology study — Santos suggested. The next time we turn down a small opportunity for the sake of getting something else done, set a reminder on the day it was supposed to happen. Then, instead of dreading it, we can celebrate the time you saved.We’re all prisoners of time to a certain degree. Maybe these tips will help us understand the matter better and use our time more effectively. Courtesy CNBC Victoria Craig

Seems like we’re inundated with self-improvement content on a daily basis. A professional therapist notes that in the midst of chatter about how to become a better version of ourselves, there can be a heavy emphasis on resolutions. She says while that is well and good, resolutions that focus on avoiding negative outcomes set us up for failure.It turns out, according to recent research, goals that focus on achieving positive outcomes are far more successful.1The author of the related article goes on to state that keeping this in mind, she mused on her work with clients in her psychotherapy practice, considering what patterns she sees that spike the most anxiety among the folks she works with. She says she discovered five key habits that seem to cause the most issues. Here’s what she found.Staying SedentaryThe author points out that within 12-step recovery programs, there’s a much-beloved phrase: Move a muscle, change a thought. When she begins working with anyone who is seeking treatment for anxiety, she always asks what their exercise regimen is. She says that many are so hyperstimulated with work, relationship issues, and general stressors, that exercise falls by the wayside.The article notes that it is also increasingly common to have a sedentary lifestyle, with a 2020 study stating that about a third of the world’s population does not engage in substantial movement on a daily basis.  Another recent study found a correlation between sedentary lifestyles, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.The author suggests that while digging into a fitness program is great, the goal is to avoid being sedentary and move our bodies. One way is to start by setting a timer on our phones to remind us to walk around every few hours. We can also add in a 30-minute walk before and after work. And park our cars far away from our destination and see if there are any errands we typically drive to that we could walk or bike to. Every movement adds up to a new mind. Overidentifying With Our WorkAccording to the article, it is amazing to have a career/professional pursuit we’re excited about. We may find ourselves talking about it on end and centering conversations around what we do for work. Alternatively, we may feel defeated by our work situations and find it impacts our self-esteem. For parents and caregivers, it may not be our career that is encompassing our identity. It might be the labor of caring for kids and loved ones. Regardless of where we fall on this spectrum, we’re told it is important to remember that we are much more than what we do for others. Work consumes most of our time throughout the week, so the thought of finding ways to understand ourselves outside of our work can feel like yet another task. So the best way to step more into our authentic identity, the author proposes, is to begin trying new things.There are all kinds of activities we can try and experiment with. The author asks us to explore what we loved as kids. We can also keep things simple and begin romanticizing our lives. For example we can pay attention to the details of making our coffee in the morning—how it smells, tastes, and sounds when it percolates. We need to tap into the quiet details of our daily lives and come back home to ourselves.Clocking in Too Much Screen TimeCurrent research indicates high amounts of screen time can be correlated to anxiety and depression. Yet, many of us depend on screens to accomplish our jobs and responsibilities. So, what gives? The author says we should replace a negative habit with a better habit.The article proposes that if our relaxation routine includes scrolling social media on the couch after work, we should see if we can replace it with sitting outside for 10 minutes and simply breathing. If we tend to have movie marathons on the weekends, we can see if we can replace watching a film with hiking, walking, or eating lunch outside.  Avoiding BoredomThe author indicates that boredom gets a bad rap, but it is pretty important. Experiencing boredom can lend us deep insights, like realizing we’re pretty unsatisfied with our daily lives and are seeking stimulation to distract ourselves from it. With such an insight, boredom can also motivate us to make significant changes.  The article notes that although our current culture prioritizes constant stimulation and fears boredom, we can lean in and feel its power.The author says we can start by minimizing the stimulation we’re exposed to online. We can consider deleting social media apps from our phone and checking them once a day on our desktop. This can help mitigate the habit of compulsively checking social media whenever we have an idle moment. When we feel restless and go to turn on the television or listen to a podcast, we can just pause. We can see what happens when we stop doing and start being. Coping Through SubstancesIt’s well known that alcohol, cannabis, and recreational drugs are all ways individuals may choose to cope with anxiety. Though using substances may provide momentary relief, they also can increase general feelings of anxiety. However, this doesn’t mean that complete sobriety is right for everyone. The author introduces the concept of sober curiosity.While various forms of substance use are accepted and even celebrated, the sober-curious movement encourages individuals to observe and question their desire to use substances. Typically focused on exploring why one drinks alcohol, the concept of sober curiosity can be applied to all substances. Allowing ourselves to be present and sober in the here and now may feel anxiety-inducing at first. But, over time, according to the article, we may learn welike yourselves more when we’re not trying to cover up your anxiety with things that only inflame it. What This Means For USWhen starting any new habit, the author says she encourages all her clients to be gentle and open-minded with themselves. When we change our habits, she reminds us, we change ourselves. The aim, the author states, is that we meet and fall in love with our most authentic selves in the process.Of course that is a lofty aim. And it probably doesn’t happen overnight. But if initiating some of these suggestions can improve and lessen my near constant anxiety levels, it’s certainly worth trying!Courtesy Julia Childs Heyl, MSWJulia Childs Heyl, MSW, is a clinical social worker and writer. As a writer, she focuses on mental health disparities and uses critical race theory as her preferred theoretical framework. In her clinical work, she specializes in treating people of color experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma through depth therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) trauma therapy.    Victoria Craig

According to a recent article, setting ourselves up for a good day doesn’t just mean having a solid morning routine in place (though that’s important too). How we spend our evenings, the article states, is a key part of the equation, yet one that’s sometimes overlooked.The article goes on to say we might be surprised at how a few small tweaks to our nighttime habits can make a considerable difference in our happiness come morning.So the author asked experts to share what evening practices will have the most positive effect on our mood the following day. Here’s what she learned:Take an evening walk.Maybe it’s a post-dinner stroll around the block or one last potty walk with our dog before we turn in for the night. But just a few minutes gentle movement outdoors can reduce blood sugar levels after a meal and help us wind down.“I go for a walk every evening, which allows me to process the day’s information as my blood flow increases to my brain,” U.K. psychologist and well-being specialist Lee Chambers told HuffPost. “This mental tidying up gives my busy mind a level of peace, meaning I go to bed with a quiet environment and a quiet internal dialogue.”If we’re going to be walking outside when it’s dark, we’re reminded to be sure to take some basic safety precautions: wear reflective gear or bright-colored clothes, choose a well-lit and familiar route, ask someone else to tag along or bring our phone just in case we need it (but avoid texting, putting in our headphones or other distractions).Put our phone down, ideally in another room.The author assumes we’re aware that a good night’s sleep has a significant effect on our mental states the next morning — and there’s “tons of evidence” supporting that, said Laurie Santos, a Yale University psychology professor and host of “The Happiness Lab” podcast. To get better-quality rest, we’re advised to focus on improving our “sleep hygiene,” which refers to the lifestyle habits and environmental factors that affect our sleep. And how we use our devices at night is a big part of that.“Turn off your screens about 30 minutes before bed, and consider keeping your devices away from your bed so you’re not tempted to check them out atnight,” Santos told HuffPost. “I also recommend getting one of those old-school alarm clocks that don’t talk to social media or your email.”Chambers further notes that we live in a hyperstimulating world that can put our senses on overdrive. Avoiding screens is one way to remedy that, but there are other things we can also do to soothe our senses.“Consider stacking sensory wind-down rituals, including relaxing scents, calming sounds and soothing warm drinks, allowing our senses to disconnect and connect back with more strength the following morning,” he said.We can take a warm bath (or shower). Justine Grosso, a mind-body psychologist licensed in New York and North Carolina, is a proponent of an evening bath for its physical and mental health benefits, she told HuffPost.“Totally immersing yourself in water, as opposed to showering, has been shown to lift mood in people with depression, improve sleep for people with insomnia and have positive effects on the cardiovascular system,” she explained.That being said, the article point out that if we don’t have a tub or if baths just aren’t our thing, a pre-bed shower ritual has benefits, too. As sleep adviser Robert Oexman previously told HuffPost, “showering at night can enhance sleep by augmenting the decrease in core body temperature that is necessary to initiate sleep and maintain proper sleep at night.”And we can do a body scan. According to Cortland Dahl, a research scientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Center for Healthy Minds, a mindful body scan is a powerful way to ease chronic stress and mental rumination. We can do this simple mindfulness exercise while lying in bed.“Bring attention to each part of your body, starting with your head and moving slowly down until you reach your toes,” he told HuffPost. “Pay attention to the sensations you notice in your body with a sense of warmth and non-judgmental curiosity.This activates the brain network critical for self-regulation and inner balance. It’s also a great way to de-stress and let go of all the tension that builds up in our busy lives.”Grosso also suggests practices like yoga nidra (a meditative technique in which we “cycle your awareness around your body,” she said) or gentle stretching. Either will activate our parasympathetic nervous system — the one responsible for the body’s “rest and digest” response.This method “helps you feel more calm and drift off to a night of restorative sleep,” she said. “Over time these practices can help your body more reliably and quickly return to a sense of ease and emotional regulation after a stressful event.”Reflect on the day.Many of us are more likely to stress about all the things we haven’t checked off our to-do list on a given day than we are to stop and appreciate the progress we made.“Whether written or reflected upon, note the steps taken towards a goal, the challenges overcome or tasks completed, no matter how small,” Chambers said. “And that feeling of progression will create the groundwork for some forward momentum on the following day.”Dahl also called self-reflection “a great practice to end a busy day.” He suggests taking a moment to think about what we learned and how we grew that day.“See if you can reframe stressful events as opportunities for self-discovery or to align with your most cherished values or guiding principles,” he said. “This simple practice strengthens our capacity for insight and can help us to approach the next day with an open mind that is ready to learn.”End our day with gratitude.Before we go to sleep, it’s suggested to write down three to five things we’re thankful for. Santos pointed to the research of psychologist Robert Emmons, a professor at the University of California, Davis.He and his colleagues “found that the simple act of listing your blessings in life can lead to significant improvements in your well-being,” she said. “So make your night-time gratitude list a daily habit.”Dahl also recommends closing out the day with a short gratitude practice.“If you spend a few minutes reflecting on people you appreciate and things you’re grateful for as part of your bedtime routine, you’ll naturally feel less stressed and more connected as you drift off to sleep,” he said.So there we have it. All kinds of tips to make our mornings more positive – by starting the night before. Now if I could just turn off my “mental activity” completely . . . !Victoria Craig

And it only takes five minutes, according to a Harvard-trained psychologist!Burnout can sneak up on us without warning, according to a recent report. And the most common cause of burnout, of course, is our jobs. According to the World Health Organization, burnout is typically the result of "chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed."We’re told that while exhaustion, cynicism and reduced productivity are some of the most obvious signs of job burnout, there are other sneaky symptoms we might be missing, including procrastination, constant distraction and apathy, according to Wendy Suzuki, a neuroscientist at New York University.There's no foolproof solution for beating burnout, says Debbie Sorensen, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist in Denver. But we can ward off burnout by being vigilant about the early signs and leaning on one simple habit: self-awareness. Some of us may already be practicing self-awareness — anytime we pay attention to our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, whether it's journaling or having an internal dialogue with ourselves counts, says Sorensen. But self-awareness is only effective in staving off burnout when it's a consistent habit. Sorensen offers a 3-step practice we can do the next time we start to feel overwhelmed with stress called "Pause, Notice, Choose" where we: Pause: When we notice that we're feeling highly stressed (or any other intense emotion), pause and create a little space for ourselves, whether it's going for a short walk outside or sitting in a quiet room alone for a few minutes. Notice: Check in with ourselves and notice our thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations. Ask ourselves: "Where is this feeling coming from, and why is it coming up now?" Choose: Consider our values, or what's most important to us in this situation and the person we want to be, and respond to the situation by acting as our best self would. Reset our emotions with a positive distraction, whether it's calling someone we love or listening to soothing music.The whole exercise "only takes five minutes," says Sorensen. But self-awareness is an ongoing process, and there is no one right way to do it, she adds. The important thing, she emphaizes, is to be intentional about it, and to be patient with ourselves. Research suggests that self-awareness can help us be more confident and creative, make sounder decisions and communicate more effectively. We can also prevent burnout by re-framing how we think about stress, Sorensen notes. She points to a study done by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, which found that high levels of stress can increase the risk of premature death by 43% — but only among those who believed stress was very harmful. Those who did not see stress as harmful were no more likely to die. "As one of my colleagues once told me, 'When you're stressed about stress, you're stressed,'" says Sorensen. "While extreme, chronic stress is an indicator that we need to make changes to our routine, it's helpful to remember that stress is a normal part of having a busy, full life, and not to panic about it right away."Point taken. Now to practice what is being preached!Courtesy CNBCVictoria Craig

I’m one of many that often have long days that keep us busy with what’s unfolding in front of us. But by the end of the day, we may feel anxious and stressed.As quoted in a recent article, once our days end, we have fewer distractions from our anxiety, said Erica Basso, a psychotherapist and owner of a group practice in California. We may be worrying more about the things that make us anxious simply because we have the time to do so. On top of that, there are some things we may be doing in the evening that can cause our racing thoughts to snowball — leading to anxiety keeping us awake and disturbing our sleep.The author asked therapists to share the most common nighttime habits that could worsen our anxiety. Here’s what they said to avoid in order to relax and rest:Doomscrolling.Doomscrolling — also known as doomsurfing (personally wasn’t familiar with this) — is when we spend excessive time seeking out negative content on social media or news outlets. Apparently we may feel like it will be helpful initially, but end up feeling anxious afterward.“Consuming triggering information is overwhelming for our minds as it is trying to wind down and can worsen anxiety and can interfere with the quality of your sleep,” said Alyssa Mancao, a therapist and founder of Alyssa Marie Wellness.We’re advised to try to put a hard stop to social media and headlines at least 30 minutes before bed, but ideally even before that. Instead, it’s recommended to read a book before hitting the sheets.Skipping relaxation techniques.We should also not underestimate the power of priming our brains for rest. According to Nekeshia Hammond, a psychologist, speaker and author, overlooking relaxation techniques can heighten anxiety during the evening and nighttime hours.Sometimes, the article points out, a simple meditation or deep breathing exercise is what we need to alleviate our anxious thoughts and pave the way for more tranquil sleep. If those aren’t our thing, the article suggests we try some gentle stretching, journaling or a warm shower. We should do whatever helps our bodies and minds relax — without our phones.Dwelling on past or future problems.We’re reminded that if we reflect on past issues or rehearse the next day in our head before bedtime, we’re not alone. However, this mental exercise can actually reinforce the cycle of anxiety by validating the threat, Basso said.She recommended to “remind yourself that there’s nothing realistically in your control that you could do about what you are worrying about” right before we go to sleep.The article notes that we should schedule a time to worry instead ― even going as far as blocking time on our calendars ― so we can move it out of our mind before we try to rest.“Trust that you will know how to tackle it when you’re in the moment,” she said. Worrying about past or future issues can prevent us from getting a good night's rest.Engaging in stressful discussions or an argument.It’s normal to have a conversation or post-day debrief at night to discuss how our day went. As an example, maybe we’re venting to our partner or it’s the only time we can call our parents. But if it’s going to spiral into something distressing, it may be best to save it for another time of day.“Talking to someone who focuses on unpleasant things or discussing something stressful can have a negative impact on your body. You may not even realize it, but your body and mind can start to absorb the negative feelings,” said Kristin Meekhof, co-author of “A Widow’s Guide to Healing.”Checking work emails and messages.This is a big one for me. When we check our work email before bedtime, we’re reengaging with our work responsibilities. This is breaching a work boundary that can be crucial to getting restorative sleep for those prone to anxiety, perfectionism and racing thoughts at bedtime, said Sage Grazer, psychotherapist specializing in anxiety.Instead, we’re told to draw a fine line with our work-life balance by logging off after work hours if possible. We should aim to define our boundaries so we can prioritize time for ourselves and achieve optimal well-being.In summary, ultimately if we find our anxiety is regularly interfering with our evening, it’s worth seeking out professional support. After all, we deserve to relax ― especially at the end of a long day.Courtesy Anika Nayak, Huffington Post    Victoria Craig

So here’s a recap of yet another article on how we can motivate ourselves. Unlike some other articles, this one seems to provide some relevant data and practical methods to implement.The article begins by stating that many people think that motivation is the key to changing habits — and that we either have it or we don’t. But motivation, according to the article, isn’t a psychological trait or personality characteristic. We’re told it’s actually something we can cultivate.“It’s about setting yourself up for success,” said behavioral scientist Katy Milkman, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and author of the book “How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.” “Create an environment that’s conducive to making the choices you want to make. Think in advance about what could cause you to fail so you can think strategically about how you can overcome that obstacle.”The article goes on to point out that once we find motivation, it doesn’t become a constant. It can come and go in waves.“People tend to misjudge future levels of motivation — they don’t understand that high motivation today will drop down to low motivation or that other motivations will come in,” said B.J. Fogg, founder of the Behavior Design Lab at Stanford University and author of the book “Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything.” “The other thing people get wrong is they think they’ll be able to sustain consistently high levels of motivation day after day. It’s just not how we’re wired.”Another surprise the article notes: Motivation often comes from contemplating changing behavior, rather than before. Research shows that pre-motivational factors — such as risk perception and awareness of one’s own behavior — are important for people to build motivation to increase physical activity.After we contemplate and mobilize ourselves to change our behavior, we often find that “it’s easier and more enjoyable to do than we thought it would be, and we find our rhythm,” said Wendy Grolnick, a professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass., and co-author of the forthcoming book “Motivation Myth Busters: Science-Based Strategies to Boost Motivation in Yourself and Others.” “So instead of waiting for motivation to strike, it’s better to do something to spark it.”We’re reminded that with the right science-based strategies, we can make healthy changes, experts say. Pinpoint what we want to do and whyResearch suggests that self-determination theory — which refers to the quality, not the quantity, of motivation — matters most in changing behaviors. We should ask ourselves why we want to eat more healthfully, exercise more often, quit smoking or change other habits.People feel most motivated when they have autonomy (when they feel it’s their choice to make this change, rather than feeling pushed or coerced), when they feel competent in making the change and when they feel connected to other people, Grolnick said: “When you see the value, meaning or usefulness to you in making the change, you’re more likely to sustain motivation.” Talk ourselves into itYou can bolster your autonomy and competence with motivational interviewing, which helps you explore your personal reasons for making a habit change and what you’re willing to do to get there, said William R. Miller, a professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of New Mexico and author of the book “On Second Thought: How Ambivalence Shapes Your Life.”We’re asked to consider the following questions: What are my three best reasons for doing this? How important is it to make this change? What steps have I taken to move in this direction? What am I willing to do to make this change? What am I going to do? “Hearing yourself say it out loud can make it sink in as a commitment,” Miller said. We should announce our plans and ask for support from family and friends. “The very act of asking for help is motivating because there’s some accountability in that,” Miller said. Map out starter stepsStart with simple, bite-sized actions, the article suggests. To get into a regular walking routine, we could start by going for a walk around our backyard or put on our walking shoes, Fogg said.“The starter step is kind of a mental jujitsu — it has a surprising impact for such a small move because the momentum it creates often propels you to the next steps with less friction,” Fogg said. Make the pursuit more pleasantIf we encounter self-control challenges, try a strategy called “temptation bundling,” Milkman said.Temptation bundling lets us engage in a guilty pleasure only while we are doing an activity we want to make a habit. To exercise more often, read a page-turner or watch a certain TV show only while we are using a stationary bike or elliptical machine. To cook healthy meals, we should treat ourselves to our favorite podcast or a beverage of choice while we are working in the kitchen. “It’s about making the path enjoyable,” Milkman said. Piggyback certain actionsIf we link a desired habit to something we already do (an anchor), we can create built-in prompts or reminders to engage in it, Fogg said. Some examples: After I get out of bed in the morning, I’ll do X number of push-ups or planks. When I see the stairs, I’ll take them instead of the elevator.By letting one action become the trigger for another, the new behavior becomes automatic, Grolnick said. Spend time with good companyWe’re advised to surround ourselves with people who have the habits we’re trying to cultivate. “By watching people around you, their good habits will become normal to you, and their influence will rub off on you effortlessly,” Milkman said. Once they share their secrets, “copy and paste” them into your life, Milkman said. Be patient“A lot of people think there’s some magic number of days to make a new behavior a habit,” Milkman said. But depending on the person and the activity, there are huge variations in that timetable.In a pair of studies, Milkman and her colleagues examined habit formation among people who aspired to go to the gym regularly and hospital workers striving for better hand hygiene. The researchers found that while it typically takes months for people to become regular gym-goers, better hand-washing in the hospital becomes automatic in a matter of weeks. Milkman said: “It takes a meaningful amount of time to change habits,” often longer than people think.Patience and practice are the key ideas I guess. May need to cultivate more of both – meaning first I have to be motivated!Courtesy Stacy Colina, Washington Post  Victoria Craig

New year, new (or renewed) resolutions. These tips made sense to me and inspired new goals for 2024. Go On A Digital Diet.According to the author, we have to face that we’re all a bit guilty of overindulging in the “digital buffet”. The article further notes that mindlessly scrolling through social media is the junk food of the digital world. We’re advised that It’s time for some digital dieting. Suggestions are to set some boundaries, maybe a ‘no phones at dinner’ rule, or a ‘no social media after 10 PM’ policy. The author says It’s like a detox for our brains and we’ll be surprised how refreshing it feels to not know every detail of some distant cousin’s vacation in real-time.And it’s not just about cutting down screen time, the article points out; it’s about making the time we do spend online count. We can unfollow those accounts that make us question our self-worth, and start following things that actually interest us. We’re told to remember that our feed should feed us, not drain us. After all, this is our digital life and we should curate it like an art gallery where only the best and most inspiring pieces make the cut.Master The Art Of One Thing At A Time.We’re all guilty of trying to cook dinner, watch a TV show, and text our friend at the same time. Generally this leads to disaster. The author states that multitasking is a myth. Our brains aren’t wired to handle our breakfast, LinkedIn profile, and existential crises all at once. We should focus on one thing – and actually finish it. This one-task wonder mindset isn’t just about efficiency, according to the article; it’s about quality. When we’re fully present with what we’re doing, whether it’s a work project or a conversation, we’re giving it the respect it deserves. We’re told we’ll produce better work, build stronger relationships, and probably avoid burning our dinner. Single-tasking isn’t just a skill, the author notes, it’s a lifestyle. Embrace it, and we’ll be able to watch our productivity and satisfaction soar.Want A Partner? Attract Love With The Power Of Our Minds.Sweetn is a new research-based startup that shows people how to call love into your life with the power of our minds. This is a completely new idea for me but the article offers a quiz and tools—which claim to transform our energy and our love life in a few weeks. Click here for the link.Remember, Life Plans Are Overrated.We’re reminded that planning every detail of our lives is like trying to use a GPS in a forest – mostly pointless and kind of frustrating. It’s okay, the author states, to not have our whole life mapped out. We should embrace the unpredictability. The article points out that sometimes the best adventures begin with a little phrase called, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” It’s the plot of every good story, and potentially ours too.Of course, having a direction isn’t a bad thing we’re told. So we can set goals, but keep them loose. We should be open to new experiences, changes in direction, and the occasional detour. After all, life isn’t about the destination; it’s about the journey. As long as we prioritize living a happy life, that’s what matters.Create Our Own Success Meter.We’re advised to define our own version of success. Whatever it is, we should celebrate it and realize we’re doing great.We shouldn’t forget, however, that success is personal and ever-evolving. What feels like a win today might be different tomorrow, and that’s okay. Life is a series of moments, and acknowledging our achievements, big or small, keeps us motivated and moving forward. So we can go ahead and give ourselves a pat on the back for all the amazing things we’re doing.Regularly Perform The ‘Is It Worth It?’ Check.Before diving into something new, we need to ask ourselves if it’s really worth our time. Will this help us grow, or will it just add to our collection of ‘why did I do that?’ memories? If it’s not going to bring us joy or at least a good story, it’s probably not worth it.And this isn’t just about big life decisions the article states. It applies to the small stuff too. Life is full of choices, and each one costs something. If we choose wisely, we’ll find our lives a lot less cluttered and a lot more fulfilling. After all, we’re the CFOs of our time so we should invest in things that matter.Learn To Love Doing Nothing.We’re also reminded that doing nothing is an underrated art form. It’s not about being lazy; it’s about recharging. In a world that glorifies being busy, doing nothing is a rebellious act. It’s saying, ‘Hey, I’m not going to be productive today, and that’s okay.’ Whether it’s lounging in pajamas all day or staring at the ceiling contemplating the meaning of something, these moments of stillness are essential. They give us the space to think, dream, and just be.It’s in these quiet moments that our minds can breathe and stretch, allowing creativity and insight to flow freely. So next time we feel guilty for doing nothing we’re asked to remember we might just be on the verge of our next great idea.Make Sure Our Friends Know They Matter.We need to surround ourselves with people who make us laugh, think, and feel motivated to be our best selves. These are the people who will cheer us on during our highs and bring us ice cream during our lows. If life’s a wild ride we want to have the right people in our car.The article says this isn’t about having a huge circle of friends. It’s about quality over quantity. A few good friends can make all the difference. In the end, it’s these relationships that add the most value to life.The take away to all of the above, at least for me, is to focus more on what’s really important and de-clutter my daily life of unnecessary people, places and things. Certainly a lot easier said than done – but possible. So that’s my aim for the new year: tidying up my mind and my physical body to incorporate the positive and significantly diminish the negative.Courtesy SINEAD CAFFERTY - Bolde      Victoria Craig

The premise of a recent article is that We can take care of our brains like we do the rest of our body in order to help us think logically and strengthen our emotional processing throughout the day. The article goes on to point out that daily habits keep our brains healthy, and as we approach the new year, it’s a great time to think about small ways to incorporate new tools into our routine.According to the article, research shows that taking breaks, practicing gratitude, and trying something new can support brain health. The article then provides some other ways to strengthen our brains and take care of ourselves:  Limit multitaskingWe’re told that when we multitask, we subconsciously tell our brains that “some things are not worth remembering,” Dr. Marc Milstein, author of the book The Age-Proof Brain: New Strategies to Improve Memory, Protect Immunity, and Fight Off Dementia, previously told Fortune. The seconds we spend constantly oscillating from task to task prevent certain pieces of information from going from our short-term to long-term memory. We’re advised to try the pomodoro method, where we strategically alternate between tasks and breaks. If we focus on a single task for 25 minutes, we should be more productive and retain more information. “People are surprised how much more they remember when they just slow down a bit in a world where we are forced to multitask and move to the next,” says Milstein.  La FullscreenFind moments of joy The author notes that Last year, he tried the UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center’s Big Joy Project, which consists of doing seven days of seven micro-acts of joy to reduce overwhelm and instill happiness. While bits of stress can be healthy, chronic stress can harm the brain, affecting thinking, memory, and mood. Small acts of joy can disrupt this stress cycle. He listened to a short meditation, completed an act of kindness, started a gratitude practice, and reached out to a friend. The article stresses that while small acts of joy aren't meant to fix underlying mental health conditions, they did take the author out of an elevated state of alert and allowed him to feel more grateful—which many experts tout as a way to improve mood and anxiety.  Go for a brisk walk We’re reminded that when we feel stressed or burned out, our brains can slide down a worry cycle that can feel debilitating and impossible to break. Researchers discovered that stressful events are associated with an increased risk for mental and physical illness. “More worry creates more discomfort, which leads to more avoidance. People get trapped in a cycle of trying to avoid uncertainty or discomfort, which feels good in the short term but makes anxiety worse,” Lynn Lyons, psychotherapist and author of The Anxiety Audit, previously told Fortune.  Quick physical activity breaks can help break the cycle and interrupt stressful thought patterns. So we should try going on a walk when we feel we’re spiraling. Dr. Thomas Frieden, former director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), says walking as a form of exercise can improve both physical and mental health, even calling it “the closest thing we have to a wonder drug.”  Pick up a hobbyTrying something news, the article says, can stimulate the brain by releasing dopamine, or the feel-good hormone. Research has shown a new hobby can also improve mental health, and in many instances, keep us connected to a community and give a feeling of belonging. Additionally, branching out beyond the normal routine can instill confidence in us and help us get out of a rut, by allowing our brain to make new connections and memories.The author says he tried rock climbing even though he is afraid of heights, and he found that he had no choice but to focus on getting to the next boulder, which helped him practice being present and mindful. We’re advised that overcoming new challenges through activities and staying mentally active at any age can strengthen the brain’s cognitive abilities and help lessen the risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia. Puzzling, for example, can help our memory and problem-solving skills. The article stresses that we don’t have to spend copious amounts of money on music lessons or commit to a multi-hour boxing class each week. We can start small, and even think about some of the activities we enjoyed when we were younger. And whether we can re-incorporate those into our week. Practice choice reduction The article states that It’s estimated that adults make roughly 35,000 decisions a day—and many are made subconsciously. Battling choices throughout the day takes brain power and can cause decision fatigue, ultimately depleting us. When faced with an abundance of choice, the article notes, our brains get overwhelmed and cannot make decisions as easily or efficiently. To alleviate the brain’s range of options, we’re asked to practice choice reduction. We should put out our clothes for work the night before along with our packed lunch, or whatever, and set a to-do list so we don’t need to feel overwhelmed about what to do when we’re in a rush. We should save brain energy for the choices that matter most.  Use self-affirmations, (they don't need to be the cheesy kind)Self-affirmations have scientific backing—they can improve confidence and self-esteem. We can start by assessing our values and thinking about ways we have affirmed those values, experts say. “This is about really upholding the values that you care about and to think about why they’re important to you,” Dr. David Creswell, a professor of neuroscience and psychology at Carnegie Mellon University and researcher in self-affirmations, previously told Fortune. For example, if maintaining strong connections with people fulfills us, we should reflect each day on a time we felt close to someone as a way to affirm that value. Creswell says that practicing value-based affirmations can help activate the brain’s reward system, which makes us feel pleasure and encourages us to continue to uphold the values that make us feel happy.  Venture to your favorite store My favorite hack is Retail therapy, or browsing in our favorite store, which the article says can actually improve our mood. It can be another way to break the stress cycle, and calm ourself down. “Whether you’re adding items to your shopping cart online or visiting your favorite boutique for a few hours, you do get a psychological and emotional boost. Even window shopping or online browsing can bring brain-fueled happiness. But again, you want to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand,” says Dr. Scott Bea, a clinical psychologist in an interview with Cleveland Clinic. It’s no surprise, of course, that convenience stores have aisles detected to self-care for the anxious shoppers who linger for a distraction—and maybe will leave with a few small items (in moderation, of course). In summary, it may not matter significantly what method we choose to take care of our brains, as long as the aim is to reduce stress and strengthen our overall mental health.Courtesy Fortune.com Victoria Craig

The premise of this recent online article, which I’m recapping almost verbatim, is providing tips that “emotionally intelligent” people use to have stronger, better relationships.The author starts out asking how we can stop looking like a jerk and make others feel valued instead? As a small business owner, the author says he’s dealt with his fair share of jerks over the years.He assumes we know what he’s talking about. Those people who always have to prove how smart they are, who always have to be right or have things their way.It can be tough dealing with that type of behavior day-in, day-out...except over time, he notes, he realized something pretty startling:Fairly often, however, he’s the one who's the jerk.Sometimes, he knows he’s the jerk and just can't help it. He suggests that maybe he didn't sleep well, or he’s hungry, or just in a bad mood. But other times, he’s been the jerk without even realizing it. And he’s betting we have been, too.So, how do we stop being the jerk? How can we avoid ruining our relationships with others, and become better collaborators and team players?The author says several years ago a friend shared some amazing advice. He had just attended a very intensive study program to improve his teaching and counseling skills, a type of "Master's program" for helping others. The author says he’s never forgotten what his friend shared, because the advice is firmly rooted in principles of emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions.The article then provides four things we can do to avoid ruining our relationships with others and looking like a jerk.  Don't try to prove how smart you are.There's nothing wrong with being smart. Or making smart decisions. Or doing smart things.The problems start when we feel we have to prove we're smarter than everyone else. It makes us appear like we need to be the center of attention. And when our primary concern is showing how smart we are, we make others feel dumb, which makes them enjoy being around us much less.Instead of showing off, we should help others allow our work to speak for itself. And when it comes to solving problems, the article points out, we'll go a lot farther when we work with our team (or partner, or family) to find a solution rather than always trying to provide the answers ourselves. Don't try to prove how right you are.The article reminds us that we should never compromise our values, or support others when they're doing something that causes harm. But we also shouldn't let correcting others be our default.The article goes on to say that people are emotionally attached to their beliefs. If we expose every flaw in our partner's reasoning, they'll feel attacked. Their focus will no longer be on listening or reasonable discussion; rather, they will defend themselves or attack in return.So, even if we are right and others are wrong, we’re asked to remember that it's not our job to correct every wrong statement. If we do, people will start tuning us out. Don't say: "I already knew that."We're all guilty of saying this to others. But think about it: What good is actually accomplished by telling someone this?The article proposes that at best, it sends the message that we're a "know-it-all" and discourages them from continuing their point. At worst, it shuts down the other person and makes them feel dumb, discouraging them from sharing future valuable thoughts.Instead, we should just let the other person speak. Maybe even nod our head.Because even if we know what they say at the start, we probably don't know where they're going to end up. Don't say: "Why can't they be like me?"Sometimes we wish more people in the world were like us. It would just make things...easier.But guess what, the author suggests? It would make things a lot more boring, too.It can be challenging to work or live with others whose personalities differ so much from our own. But it's exactly those differences that cause us to grow.So, we’re encouraged to embrace the variety. And instead of forcing everyone into the same mold, we should see what we can learn from them. The article sums up by saying that we all play the jerk sometimes. But if we practice these emotionally intelligent strategies, the article assures that we'll be a better collaborator and team player--and we'll build stronger relationships in the process. Victoria Craig

I’m a sucker for self-help online articles, probably because I’m always seeking to find that “magic” written potion that will create a whole new better me! The article below isn’t it – but does remind us of some simple ways to improve our outlooks and lifestyle. And by the way, the draw for me was the number “8” – not 5 habits or 10 habits (commonly used numerals) but 8.See what you think.The article points out that is only takes a few weeks to form a habit. The trouble with this is that habits can be both good and bad. The author goes on to note that the 8 habits mentioned will help us improve our lives in a way that feels freeing, more successful, and ultimately in control of who we are. What more can we ask for the author suggests? What more indeed!  Stay Away From People Who Erode Our Quality of Life We’re advised to take a close look at those around us. If we are spending too much time with people that are not helping us get to where we want to be, it’s time to move on. We shouldn’t keep friends around simply because we’ve known them a long time.  Don’t Bring The Phone Into The BedroomWhere are we away from our phones for more than just a few minutes? For most people, the answer is never. So we’re asked to try taking our phone, tablet, and computer out of our bedroom. It’s proposed that this be the safe spot, like the old days when we were out of contact, and we were able to just be, without being in the middle of all the news, talk, and more at all times. The article assures that if we leave your phone outside our bedroom we will see how it helps us sleep and live and ultimately reach our goals faster.  Learn How To Appreciate The Moment Did we have a good day? Did we accomplish something that is worth celebrating? We’re reminded to stay in those moments just a little longer. We are all busy and thinking about the next thing or the next day. However, those of us that learn to enjoy and live life are able to appreciate the here and now. The article also stresses that it takes time to do this. The author goes on to say that sometimes being more mindful and even focusing on meditation can help us bring our brain to the exact moment we’re in. We’re encouraged to practice this concept and then bring it into our everyday life.  Get Started, Even Though We Might Fail Failing is scary, the author states, but what is scarier is never to try. If we have a goal, passion, or desire to start something, we shouldn’t let the fear of failure bring us down. The article says most successful people in the world failed numerous times. However, they knew to get back up.  Make Organization A Priority The more organized we are, according to the author, the easier it is to manage our time and become more efficient. Now, we don’t need to be obsessive about this, but we do need to get ourselves organized from a time perspective and even a cleanliness perspective. Living in an organized, clean, and tidy space, we’re told, allows us to free our minds and drastically improve our lives.  Remember Who We Are It’s easy to get off track and forget who we are is another key point in the article. We’re asked to remember when we won that awards, entered something in a contest, etc. We may have forgotten all about these experiences,  that there are pieces of ourselves that we have probably lost along the way. So we should make it a habit to remember who we are and then do something to bring our minds back to those times. This experience, the author stresses, can be incredibly powerful. Say NoWe’re asked if we feel pressure to say yes to things we don’t want to do? This happens to all of us, but the power to say no is freeing and smart. We’re advised to learn to evaluate experiences, opportunities, and projects and determine if they are worth our time. If they are not, then it’s time to say no. Saying no, by the way, is not closing a door according to the author; it could be opening a different one.  Keep The Goals Realistic Finally, we should stop setting goals that are not possible to achieve. Realistic goals allow us to experience some success along the way. So if we want to lose 40 pounds, for example, we should start with 10.Realistic goals will help us feel like we are on your way to success. Final Thoughts The article sums up by noting that not all of these habits need to be created today. However, if we can learn to pick one of these up at a time, we’re told we can make some major progress in improving our lives. Habits can be hard to stick with at first, the article further states, but if we do it for a few weeks and stay diligent, our new habits will be formed, and we will be on our way to a better life. OK, I’m a little skeptical but all of the above sound doable so I may just give these habits a whirl!Courtesy Michael Morris    Victoria Craig

The first sentence of this intriguing titled article really captured my attention. It suggested that we imagine our relationships as a dance, with each partner stepping, turning, and spinning in sync to a shared rhythm. The article points out that dance, in many ways, mirrors the rhythm of our relationships. The pattern of our dance is a reflection of our attachment style, a critical aspect of how we connect and interact with others.We’re told that attachment style, a theory developed by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, in the mid-20th century, is a psychological model explaining how we relate to others, especially in terms of our relationships and emotional bonds. It’s a dynamic, according to the article, that begins in our earliest years, often shaped by how we interacted with our primary caregivers.The article notes that there are four main types of attachment styles: Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. Understanding these styles, it’s explained, can be a tool for self-discovery and growth, and can illuminate the path to healthier connections.The Four Attachment StylesThe article clarifies that each of these styles results from childhood experiences with caregivers, impacting the development of our relational blueprint.Secure Attachment: If our caregivers were consistently responsive and supportive, we likely developed a secure attachment style. We are comfortable with intimacy and independence, finding it easy to connect with others while maintaining our personal autonomy.  Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment: If our caregivers were inconsistently available or unpredictable, we might have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This could manifest as a fear of abandonment, often leading to clingy or needy behavior in relationships.Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: Those who had emotionally unavailable or dismissive caregivers often develop a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. These individuals tend to value independence over relationships and may seem emotionally distant.Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: The fearful-avoidant attachment style, the most complex, often results from harmful or traumatic childhood experiences. These individuals experience conflicting desires for intimacy and the fear of getting too close.So how do we identify our own attachment style? The article explores what the author says are the most effective methods:Self-Reflection: The first step is to reflect on our past relationships and patterns. Identify any recurring themes, emotions, or reactions that we experience consistently in our interactions with others.Attachment Style Quizzes: There are several online quizzes that can offer insights into our attachment style. These quizzes ask a series of questions about our feelings and behaviors in relationships to identify our most likely attachment pattern.Therapeutic Guidance: A mental health professional can provide expert guidance to help us identify our attachment style. Through a series of sessions, a therapist can dig deeper into our past experiences and current behaviors, offering a comprehensive understanding.Feedback from Close Ones: Those who know us well can often provide valuable insights. We should consider asking close friends or partners about their observations regarding our relationship behaviors and responses.The article then reminds us that identifying our attachment style is only the first step. The next one, more important, involves taking action based on our findings. Recommendations are offered on how you can work with each attachment style:Secure Attachment: If we have a secure attachment style, we should continue nurturing our relationships while maintaining our personal autonomy. It's also beneficial to support others who are working on their attachment styles.Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:If our attachment style is anxious-preoccupied, we should consider seeking therapeutic support. Professional guidance can help us manage fears of abandonment and develop healthier relationship patterns.Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: For those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, therapy can be helpful too. It can aid in understanding the value of intimacy, developing emotional awareness, and enhancing communication skills.Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Fearful-avoidant individuals may find it beneficial to work with a therapist experienced in trauma. This support can help manage conflicting emotions, develop coping mechanisms, and build healthier relationships.The article sums us by telling us the journey of understanding and acting on our attachment style is a personal one, and that it's important to take it at our own pace. The article’s tone is encouraging and states that with knowledge and action, we can foster better relationships, enhance our wellbeing, and cultivate personal growth.Sounds good to me! Now we have yet another task to add to our journey of {further} self-discovery. Victoria Craig

I’m sure we’ve all experienced times when we’re really, really mad at someone. Like, beyond angry. And the way we feel is that we’re totally justified, given what that person did. We’re sure everyone would agree that we have every right to be livid! Then someone close to us — a person who is worried about our blood pressure or maybe is just sick of hearing the story again and again — says, “I really think you should try and let your anger go.”A recent article notes that if we’re holding a grudge, here are just a few of the things that might be whizzing through our brains:· Easy for someone else to say — it didn’t happen to them. · I can’t “let it go” unless the person sincerely apologizes.· If I drop it, it’s like saying what they did is okay when it’s not.· Letting go means forgiving them and they don’t deserve my forgiveness.· I wish I could move on, but what that person did is so bad I truly don’t think I can.The article then shares what is meant to be helpful info: Moving on from a grudge doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be angry, and we don’t have to forgive the person or even talk to them. It’s not even really about the person who did us harm — it’s about all the benefits to our mental and physical health we’ll experience if we manage to dump our grudge.Easy? No, the article agrees, but doable.The meaning of holding a grudgeAccording to the article, while the dictionary definition of a grudge is simply being mad at someone for something they did, “holding a grudge” refers to “a qualitatively different kind of anger than healthy anger,” says Robert Enright, PH.D., a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, who has been studying forgiveness for 40 years. “Holding a grudge is the kind of anger that takes up residence in the human heart and doesn’t know how to leave. It’s the kind of anger that can turn on us,” he says, potentially causing us more harm than the initial offense.Why we hold grudges At first it can feel kind of good, says Marjorie Ingall, co-author of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies. “It can feel like a warm flame of self-righteousness inside of you. You can enjoy it like a little campfire that you blow on and nurture by putting little twigs in it,” she says, maybe replaying the unfairness in your mind and dwelling on how outrageous it continues to feel. It can also make you feel superior, as in “I may not be perfect, but at least I would never cheat!” And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that for a time, if it lets you heal and helps you define your own values.But the fire can flare out of control, and it can start to burn us, in all the ways discussed above. “A grudge can be a distraction from things that you could be doing instead of stoking your grudge that actually benefit you, or it could stand in the way of your doing those things,” Ingalls says.Another big reason we hold onto anger is because whatever took place was so awful that we were traumatized by it. We may not think about lingering feelings of rage over a major traumatic betrayal, such as abuse or cruelty, as "holding a grudge," but it can be viewed that way.Expecting to be able to let something like that go, even after decades, is not always possible because of PTSD or other lingering effects. “It is very important that the client has time to process the anger, get to know the effects of the injustice, and tosettle down emotionally,” says Enright. “Once a person has had time to process the trauma and the effects of that trauma (has new insights into what has happened to the client as a result of the trauma), and if the client is ready, it only is then that we start with the work of forgiveness.”The article reminds us that it just doesn’t feel good to be mad all the time, which is why most of the time we try not to. “Grudges are energizers for the negative,” says Enright. It can also keep us stuck in the past, ruminating on past slights, which can paralyze us or make us overly sensitive to misinterpreting what people say or do, or keep us from problem solving to improve our lives, says Enright.Holding grudges can also have measurable negative effects on our minds and our bodies. Grudges are about anger that won’t quit, called “chronic anger” in medical research, and chronic anger, is not good for us. One important study found that being anger-prone is an independent risk factor for heart disease, and Harvard researchers found that people who were frequently explosively angry were about five times more likely to have a heart attack in the hours after an outburst (the risk of stroke more than tripled).Periods of anger or anxiety can put us in fight-or-flight mode, leading to a cascade of effects that include higher blood pressure, narrowing of blood vessels, and increased clotting. Fight-or-flight also tightens our muscles leading to things like chronic back pain and tension headaches. “Chronic anger affects the immune system,” says Enright. A bunch of psychological conditions — anxiety and depression and eating disorders — are thought to be tied to unexpressed anger as well.How to let go1. Ask for an apology. “One reason you may not be able to let go of the anger may be because you haven’t gotten a good apology,” says Ingall, whose book is about recognizing and crafting apologies that truly heal. The person may truly not realize how damaging their actions were, or wasn’t able to apologize right away for whatever reason.“Just asking for it is a brave act,” says Ingall “If the person refuses to see their own wrongdoing and can’t deliver it, we can feel good knowing we did everything we could and therefore the anger might not burn so hot.” We may come to realize that the person we had a grudge against is just incapable or simply too broken themselves, which can lessen our anger toward them."2. Ask for a better apology. “Some people’s intentions aren’t bad but they are not able to give you the apology you need on the first try,” she says. “If it’s a relationship of value or one you can’t get rid of, you can say, ‘I know you’ve apologized to me for X, but here’s why I’m still upset and I need you to apologize for Y.’” If it’s an old grudge, it’s still okay to ask for an apology, as in, “I know it’s been a long time, but I am still distressed about X.” Ingall suggests workshopping with a friend how you’ll bring it up.3. Imagine the person apologizing to us. This is a good thing to try when they've died or is otherwise not able to apologize. If you can give yourself the apology you deserve or might someday have gotten had they not passed, it can help you mourn the relationship and perhaps let it go.4. Consider the power we’re giving the other person with your grudge. By hanging on to our anger, we’re allowing the person to keep harming us, says Ingall. Remembering this can help us put ourself first. "Just building moral walls around it, you can think, Why am I wasting my energy being angry when I am the superior human here?” says Ingall. “We think of letting go of a grudge as letting go of power, but that’s not really so,” says Ingall. It's giving the power back to yourself."5. Look behind our anger. Enright’s model for how to forgive has four distinct parts, the first of which is really exploring how we were affected emotionally and practically by what the person did. Talking it through with someone can unearth what's behind our rage. “Much of traditional psychotherapy focuses on insight, bringing that which has been subconscious or unconscious into consciousness,” he says. Speaking to a therapist or a friend we trust, or even writing about what happened can help us understand our other emotions, and possibly lessen the anger. If we intend to move on to forgiving the person, this is a necessary first step.6. Re-humanize the person. When we hold a grudge against someone (even if we feel 100% justified in our anger) it is easy to make them into a cartoon villain, and we forget that they, too, are human, too. "Widen the story of who that person is,” says Enright. “They are not just the bad thing they did.” Are they, like us, a person who may have been hurt by others? Do we share other elements of being a person, like needing to eat and sleep? This is not to excuse their behavior but to explain it, and perhaps recognizing some of the things you share can soften your heart enough to “chip away at the grudge,” says Enright.7. Forgive if we can and want to. The previous two steps will help you move toward forgiveness. The fact is, says Enright, forgiveness takes time and practice, which he likens to working out at the “forgiveness gym” to build those muscles. “Healing is rigorous,” he says. Learning to stand in the pain of what happened and find mercy for someone who mistreated you can be “very transformative,” he says. What does holding grudges say about a person?As bad for us as holding grudges are, it’s an entirely normal human thing to do, says Ingall. “The question is, in holding onto a grudge, are you doing something that’s harmful to you?” she posits. “You can feel angry with someone without holding a grudge.”In fact, we’re told that being angry when someone does us wrong is a good sign. “We are moral creatures with a sense of justice, and when we have been treated unfairly by others, we feel angry because we know we are persons of worth who should be treated with respect,” says Enright. “It's important to us to live in harmony with each other, and when that breaks down, we get angry.”Anger is the emotion that lets us know that something isn’t working for us so we can make a change, and the fight-or-flight physical response is designed to fight injustice or allow us to solve the problem, he says.It’s also noted that when the anger hunkers down for a long stay and we're preoccupied with the person who caused it for too long, that constant fight-or-flight anger response can drain us, physically and emotionally. “When you live with it long term, that’s when the damage can be done,” says Enright. The effects of the grudge are fatigue, anxiety and depression and those things can inhibit us from solving the problem.Do I have to forgive the person to be free of a grudge? Absolutely not the article says. Forgiveness is a great thing (Enright’s research has shown that finding a path toward forgiveness has helped all kinds of people, including survivors of abuse, substance abusers and prison inmates) but it is not something anyone is obligated to do, and it is not possible for everyone.In short, it's our choice to forgive or decide if we’re able to move in that direction — we’re reminded that we can’t simply forgive because someone else tells us it’s time, that the person who harmed us feels like they deserve it, or for the sake of family harmony.“The choice to forgive is that person’s and that person’s alone,” says Enright. “Don’t give in to the pressure of others who say you’re a bad person if you don’t. I am a firm believer in letting people walk their own path.”While Enright’s research has found that forgiveness yields remarkable results, “There are a million reasons you ‘should’ forgive, but that doesn’t mean you can or want to, Ingall agrees.Forgive and {not} forget? Live and let live? I guess we have choices …Courtesy Stephanie Dolgoff , Good HousekeepingVictoria Craig

I can’t resist articles, reports, or any data presented in text format that relates to psychology or some kind of psychological process or characteristic. So the article with the above title definitely caught my eye and made me stop and read.According to the article, what determines someone’s level of life satisfaction, or how meaningful and rich they find their life to be, is a patchwork of components. But new research shows that a key element to being more satisfied with our social bonds, career, and life overall lies within our personality. The article notes that people who are more emotionally stable, or have a low level of neuroticism, are more likely to have a higher level of life satisfaction than those who don’t, according to the American Psychological Association. What is emotional stability?We’re told the idea behind the Big Five personality model, created by psychologists Gerard Saucier and Lewis R. Goldberg, is that each person’s personality is a mix of various levels of five key facets: extraversion, emotional stability/neuroticism, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness to experience.Within each trait, people who take the test can score high or low; for example, someone who scores high in the extraversion category is very outgoing and probably finds social interactions easy and nourishing, while someone with a low score is much more reserved. Someone who scores high on the conscientiousness portion is quite thoughtful and attentive, while someone with a low score in that category is much less so.The article explains that emotional stability/neuroticism, the trait that was found to be most correlated with life satisfaction, refers to “the frequency and intensity of negative emotions like fear, anger, sadness, and anxiety,” says Manon van Scheppingen, PhD, an assistant professor at Tilburg University and co-researcher on the study. So the more emotionally stable w are, the better able we are to handle these emotions, while someone who is less stable is less able to cope with them.We’re reminded, however, that the word stability may create some misunderstanding. Dr. van Scheppingen says being more emotionally stable doesn’t mean we experience more positive emotions,  rather that we experience less negative emotions and are better able to cope with them when they do arise.The article also stresses that it’s important to note that all of these personality traits exist on a spectrum. “If you think about this like a continuum, most people are in the middle where they are not completely neurotic and not completely emotionally stable,” Dr. van Scheppingen says. The connection between emotional stability and life satisfactionIn the study, which was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers assessed 9,100 Dutch people ranging in age from 16 to 95 years-old over 11 years to see which of the Big Five personality traits corresponded most to higher levels of life satisfaction across their lifespan, regardless of changes in their social roles and responsibilities. The participants answered questionnaires that evaluated how satisfied they were with their social relationships; they also had the 5,928 employed participants answer questions about how satisfied they were at work.We’re informed that other previous studies have already shown that people who score high on certain Big Five personality traits—emotional stability, extraversion, conscientiousness, and agreeableness—have higher levels of life satisfaction at different stages of their lives than those with lower scores in those areas, says study co-author Gabriel Olaru, PhD, an assistant professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands. But this new study examined how the personality traits played a role over the entire course of someone’s life.“Our main goal with this research was to look at where the personality is relevant for life satisfaction across the entire lifespan because we thought maybe in young age you have different roles or different tasks in your life than old age,” Dr. Olaru says. For example higher extraversion is connected with more life satisfaction in adolescence because of how that trait lends itself to making friends. “Later on it’s more about being emotionally stable or conscientious because you may already be married and have children and your social relationships are already more fixed, so we were interested in to what degree that plays a role,” he explains.Even despite changing life circumstances, they found that the most emotionally stable people had high life satisfaction throughout the duration of their lives and the study. They also found that highly conscientiousness people reported more satisfaction with work, and more extraverted and agreeable people were more pleased with their social connections. Plus, people who increased their levels of these qualities over time said they were more satisfied in their work and social lives.How to become more emotionally stableSo what if we take the Big 5 personality test and find that we score low on emotional stability—does that mean we’re doomed to be less satisfied with our life? The answer is no, not at all. Although studies have found that personality is to some extent genetic, it’s not set in stone. “If you can train and you can build habits and keep it up long enough until you can do them without effort, then that may lead to a personality change,” Dr. Olaru says.According to Viktoriya Karakcheyeva, MD, director of behavioral health at the Resiliency and Well-Being Center at George Washington University’s School of Medicine & Health Sciences, it’s important to remember that everyone is starting from somewhere different from others. But positive skills, like regulating our emotions, can eventually be learned. “Maybe you’re starting at the point where you have more vulnerabilities than someone else, but you can practice those skills,” she says. “It’s about functionality and figuring out what functions best for you as an individual.”Managing our response to negative emotions and the stress that comes with them is something that can be worked on. One way to think about this, according to Dr. Karakcheyeva, is the stress bucket model, created by psychologists Alison Brabban and Douglas Turkington. The model is a simplified way to think about each person’s capacity for stress and negative emotions as a bucket that gradually fills up as we go about our day.“Over the course of the day we fill that bucket with different things and those stressors come in gradually or they may come in a big chunk that can fill the bucket up pretty fast,” Dr. Karakcheyeva says. “People who can better handle stress have some sort of well-regulated tap that releases what comes into the bucket gradually.” And luckily, the article points out, there are plenty of ways to strengthen and create new outlets to help us deal with what life throws our way.Enriching our lives in ways that can alleviate our stress and make it easier to respond to tough emotions looks a lot of different ways, such as creating and maintaining strong social connections. And Dr. Karakcheyeva says that even seemingly basic practices, like time outside in the sun, nourishing our body with food, and getting adequate sleep are part of emptying our buckets.So how do we make these positive behaviors part of our routine and turn them into lifelong habits that can change our personality? Dr. Karakcheyeva says the best way is to “start where you are” and begin incorporating new habits and practices in a way that’s realistic and doable. If they’re achievable, we’re more likely to consistently do them which is key. For example, if we’d like to start meditating and doing mindfulness exercises like joy snacking, don’t start with carving out an extended period of time or deciding it has to be done in a specific, special place.Instead, we can try out a quick mindfulness break to see how it goes, and adjust from there. “You can start with one minute a day, and you can even do it sitting in your office where you maybe close your eyes, take a deep breath,  pause, and notice what’s going on within your body and scan it for the points of tension, or maybe you get in touch with it just by noticing it and you may just leave it at that,” she says. The point is, we shouldn’t set ourselves up to fail before we start by making it unachievable. OK, duly noted. I think I’ll start with just remembering to breathe and find out what the heck is joy snacking!Courtesy Helen Carefoot, MSN.com View on WatchMore videos   Victoria Craig

I just read an interesting blog with this provocative title and wanted to share essentially as written. Though the article specifically relates to sales – real estate sales – I believe there are wider applications. The subject is one I think about often in my daily interactions: business, personal, familial and all other communications. Seems like we could all improve in this area but first we have to know the parameters.  See what you think: “Many of us have always assumed that a person's IQ score provides a general indication of how much they can accomplish in life. However, emotional intelligence, or EQ, is a better indicator of overall success than traditional intelligence—especially when it comes to sales! Certainly, the best real estate professionals know how to harness the power of emotional intelligence to orchestrate and close lucrative deals.What Is Emotional Intelligence?In business, emotional intelligence refers to someone's propensity for a personal connection with colleagues and clients. While IQ tests measure verbal and mathematical intelligence, EQ measures softer skills, such as the ability to stay motivated, delay gratification, and regulate emotions.Close the Deal: How Is Emotional Intelligence Used in Sales?While using emotional intelligence to close the deal is more of an art than a science, there are a few principles you can follow to use EQ to your advantage.Read the room. Pay attention to what's not being said. Notice and mirror behavior patterns in your prospects to build trust. Awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence.Control your feelings. Emotionally intelligent people do not allow emotions to get in the way of a profitable business transaction. Keep your feelings in check and your mind sharp to ensure you're not leaving value on the table.Follow your passion. Warren Buffett said, "In the world of business, the people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love." Closing the deal is much easier when you believe in what you're selling. Find a product or service you can get behind and funnel those feelings into your sales tactics.Make people your priority. For those with high EQ, every business is a people business. Don't view people as secondary to the business transaction at hand. Use empathy to create value for each person involved in the deal and create lasting relationships—that's how you build a strong sales pipeline.Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. Harness its potential to sense your customer's needs, empathize with them, and provide win-win solutions. Stay aware, keep your feelings in check, and, above all, find your passion! Follow these principles to close the deal while maintaining your integrity!”Courtesy Old Republic Home Protection Victoria Craig

I think we all experience getting swept up in other people’s problems or in situations that are largely out of our control.  A recent article didn’t really make a distinction between family/relative problems and those of friends and/or colleagues. For me, there is a difference so I relate to the article as dealing with acquaintances that may be close but aren’t in the realm of spouses, parents, children, other relatives.  We have no control over these problems either, but it’s hard not to have some stress when those closest to us are suffering. “At a fundamental level, we are social creatures. We pick up on the cues of other people,” said Tim Bono, a lecturer in psychological and brain sciences and the assistant dean in arts and sciences at Washington University in St. Louis. It’s pointed out that we’ll likely react how those around us are reacting in certain situations — whether that’s ducking when we see someone else duck or getting mad when our friend is upset. “If lots of people around us are responding to an event with sadness or fear or distress, we pick up on that ourselves and we implicitly tend to adopt those behaviors, because if other people are responding this way, that must be the appropriate way to respond,” Bono said. When it comes to other people’s stress, this can take on an extreme form, which many people refer to as secondhand stress. According to Bono, secondhand stress is not an official clinical term. Instead, it captures other phenomena that are well-documented in behavioral sciences, he said. “I think that it, to me, falls broadly in the domain of mental health and how we respond when we see another person who’s experiencing distress,” Bono said.  He added that the phrase recalls the popular term “compassion fatigue” or newer but just as poignant concepts like “empathic distress” or “empathic concern.” Specifically, secondhand stress is “the consequence of being exhausted from taking on the suffering of others or helping them cope or being a resource for them,” Bono said. Alicia Brown, a psychotherapist with Grow Therapy in South Florida, agreed and added that secondhand stress can occur when “you become stressed and overwhelmed trying to support [someone].” The article notes further that secondhand stress can also happen when stress builds up to a level where you can’t articulate it, according to Elizabeth (Birdie) Shirtcliff, a research professor at the University of Oregon. “It builds up as sort of tension, and that tension — the not talking about it, the not expressing it — that’s the piece that gets under the skin,” Shirtcliff noted. This can happen when we’re so worried about another person that we can’t talk about it. “The stress is a form of stress that’s really difficult to talk about it ― that’s the stress that has a physiological impact,” Shirtcliff said. In other words, secondhand stress is “an extreme form of empathy,” as Bono put it, or when we absorb tension coming from another person.   The article then gives us the signs to look out for and what to do if we are experiencing this form of stress.We’re overly attentive to others.According to Shirtcliff, if we find that we are overly attentive to cues about our loved one’s safety, we may be dealing with secondhand stress. “An example would be if our loved one stands up too fast and they have Parkinson’s, and we’re immediately rushing in to make sure they’re OK,” even when they are OK, she said.  This demonstrates vigilance, even when that high level of vigilance is not necessary.Additionally, she said, research shows that caregivers — generally, mothers — have high spikes in the stress hormone cortisol when their child is going through a stressor. And these spikes in cortisol that the mothers experience are higher than the spikes in the children going through the stressful experience.We have difficulty communicating.As mentioned above, many people dealing with secondhand stress find their situation difficult to talk about. If we can’t articulate the problem and why it’s bothering us, we may be dealing with this issue, according to Brown.She said this could look like the inability to explain why the stressful situation impacts us on such a major level or why we are so worried about our loved one. Overall, it may just feel like a huge problem with no solution. In order to cope at all, we have to be able to recognize the stressor or trigger, along with the emotions connected to it, Brown added. If we can’t talk about it, we won’t be able to cope.We may start to withdraw.Bono said that withdrawing from our daily tasks or from certain situations because of stress-induced anxiety and sadness is a sign of secondhand stress as well. “We’re so overcome with anxiety or sadness that you can’t carry out your daily tasks,” Bono said. So, things like not being able to focus at work or struggling to run necessary errands could be evidence of this heightened level of stress.We might also feel physical symptoms.Signs of depression, fatigue and burnout are all red flags for secondhand stress as well, Shirtcliff said. Scan for problems like excess exhaustion, numbness, headaches or feeling emotionally heavy. Additionally, we may find that our mind is racing and we’re constantly thinking about our loved one (but not in a good or romantic way), she noted.Set boundaries to help combat our secondhand stress.“A huge thing ... is setting boundaries with yourself,” Brown said. “It’s OK to not be able to help someone if you aren’t able to help yourself.” And that isn’t selfish behavior, she stressed. What’s more, don’t feel like we have to be the savior in these kinds of situations, Brown added. We can’t be everything to everyone. “It’s OK to take a break from people” and to admit that we don’t have the emotional capacity to handle their situation in a healthy way, she noted. Boundaries can help us manage our own stress before it gets out of control.We also should find someone safe to confide in to help you cope with secondhand stress.Whether a therapist or best friend, if we are struggling with secondhand stress, we should open up to someone.“Practice some self-care and give yourself permission to articulate the stress that you’re feeling, and don’t discount that it’s not happening to you, that it can still affect you,” Shirtcliff said. She noted that high levels of unspoken stress can affect our immune system and cause our stress hormones to soar — which can cause complications like heart attacks, high blood pressure, headaches and more, according to the Mayo Clinic. “[You’re] carrying around all this worry silently and really feeling very lonely,” Shirtcliff said. “And loneliness is one of the biggest killers out there, honestly.” To combat that loneliness, find someone to share your experience with. While it can be hard to allow ourselves to seek help when someone else is the one going through the worst of a situation, it’s still necessary. “[Just] because someone needs more help doesn’t mean you yourself don’t as well or wouldn’t benefit from it,” Shirtcliff said. So bottom line is that the most we may be able to do when our friends are dealing with difficulties is be there for them, try to rise above the stress, and seek support ourselves if we are struggling.Courtesy Jillian Wilson, HuffPostVictoria Craig

Word experts say we need to ditch certain phrases in order to sound more assertive - if that's our aim.A recent article suggests that we all have skills, opinions and ideas that we feel confident about. But whether or not other people — a manager, colleague, friend, partner or new acquaintance — feel the same depends on how we communicate.The authors ask if we are passive and let other people steamroll over us. Or are we aggressive and make enemies instead of friends? Or are we passive-aggressive and irritate others by being unclear? The take away is that none of these are qualities will help us sound confident.The key, say the authors, is to be assertive without being overly aggressive, and we can do that by avoiding four phrases that make us sound weak or timid: "I'm sorry to ask this, but..."We’re cautioned that when we use apologetic words (e.g., "I'm sorry, I have one last question" or "Maybe it's just me, but..."), it can sound like we're putting ourselves down. Or it can downplay a request that we're trying to make.It’s suggested that we're better off skipping the intros. Don't say: "I'm sorry to bother you, but can you share the report you made for the team meeting?" Just get to the request: "Can you share the report you made for the team meeting?"Then close with a "thank you." "I could do that."We’re reminded that verbs are action words. They tell people what we're doing or what we're going to do. To appear stronger, we should choose verbs that clearly state our intentions.For example, "will" is much stronger than "could." Instead of "I could do that," say "I will do that."Similarly, when we ask for something, "I need" is much stronger than "I want." Why? Because we don't want assistance; we need assistance.  "You need to..."The article also points out that when we start a request with a "you"-based statement (e.g., "You make me..." or "You cannot..."), it can come across as controlling behavior, which is sometimes the result of fear or insecurity."I"-based statements, however, can help us communicate how we're feeling or what we want, without it sounding like an attack.For example, "You need to get started on that project" sounds more commanding than the equally assertive "I'd like it if you started on that project."We should always lead with our own feelings or actions, according to the authors. "You always..." (or "You never...")Generalizations typically lead to arguments because they can cause the other person to get defensive.If we're unhappy about something, the article says to be specific. Instead of saying "You always forget meetings," say "I was upset when you showed up late to Thursday's meeting."We also don't want to assign all of the blame to one person: "You ruined the presentation by not being there!"Instead, we’re advised to describe the situation accurately: "By coming 10 minutes late, you made the presentation more difficult by distracting the client." This method gives us a reputation for fairness and helps the other person see where they can improve.More ways to sound assertive without being overly aggressiveThe authors propose that being thoughtful and intentional in the way we communicate will go a long way in earning respect. They offer some additional tips to keep in mind:Say "because" when we refuse a request. It softens the "no" and confidently explains our reasoning. Instead of saying "I can't do it," say "I can't do that today, because I need to prepare for a meeting this afternoon." (Bonus points if we offer a potential solution: "How about I do that on Tuesday?")Say "I understand" when we disagree with someone. Instead of cutting right to the chase about why we think someone is wrong, we should start with a softener like "I see your point" or "I get what you're driving at."Start with empathy.When we're turning someone down, let them know we understand how it affects them. "I know you are busy and stressed out, but I really don't have the time today."When we explain a problem, use conditional statements. We’re requested to follow this format: "If you do [X], then [Y] happens." For example: "When the report wasn't finished in time, it created a problem for the team's sales presentation." This helps us take the emotion out of the problem and focus on the solution.It's interesting to actually think about the phrases/phrasing we use to communicate with each other. Seems like our daily interactions, whether in person, by phone, via email and/or text, are generally without much intentionality. And given everyone’s time constraints, we may not have the luxury of formulating verbal or written conversations that are without some of the above adverse issues. So now we have something to add to our New Year’s resolutions: to say what we mean and mean what we say with the absence of any hidden connotations resulting in no negative consequences.Courtesy Kathy and Ross Petras  Victoria Craig

A recent article noted how a lot of things trend on social media, and how many of those trending topics aren’t good. In fact, they can be pretty harmful (NyQuil chicken). But, like all trends, they capture attention for a reason — some of these popular topics even prove pretty useful. In 2022, particularly on the subject of general “wellness”, hundreds of trends have come out or simply grown in popularity. From exercise routines to healing our inner child, many healthy trending topics are in the public eye for a good reason. And just because they’re trending now, the article points out, doesn’t mean they need to end in 2023. If anything, they should be continued and explored more.  Lindsay Monal, a yoga teacher at YogaRenew Teacher Training, said that it’s important to follow the trends that we like and that will keep us consistent in our practice, whether mentally and/or physically. Here are the some of the most useful of these trends in 2022, according to experts:End of people pleasing and entering our “villain” eraThe article tells us that a simple search for “villain era” on TikTok brings up thousands of videos that showcase people putting an end to people pleasing and embracing their so-called villain era. We’re cautioned that while boundary setting and putting an end to people pleasing are both valuable for our mental health, there is something wrong with this being phrased as villainous behavior, according to Sarah Sarkis, an executive coach and senior director of performance psychology at Exos, a corporate wellness company. “The ‘villain era’ is really an inaccurate depiction of people setting healthy boundaries,” Sarkis said. “While the trend means well, we shouldn’t be vilifying taking a step away from pleasing others to prioritize our own needs and well-being.” She asked: “If we are always pleasing other people but never addressing our own needs, who are we actually being a villain to? Ourselves perhaps? Is that OK?” The answer: No, it is not. She noted that burnout (due to holiday stress, work stress, family pressure and more) is a significant driver of this end of people pleasing. “We’re starting to see this shift to reverse years if not generations worth of conditioning to put others’ needs before our own,” Sarkis said.Healing our inner childTikTok also led to a trend where people openly acknowledged tough childhood moments and worked on coming to terms with those experiences. “Talking about trauma more openly and really talking about inner child work, I think, has prompted a lot of conversations that I don’t think have happened at other points in time as openly and as in-depth,” said Genesis Games, a licensed mental health counselor and relationship expert in Miami.  She noted that acknowledging that our inner child needs healing is an excellent first step. Still, adult children who want to take this further can have conversations with their parents or guardians about their childhood experiences. “I think in that specific dynamic, there’s a lot of room for healing and just knowing your parents maybe did the best they could,” she said.Games added that just hearing your parent acknowledge your pain could mean a lot for your healing journey.  She said that the name of this trend itself, “healing your inner child,” shines a light on what served us in childhood and what didn’t — it helps us reparent ourselves to address unmet needs as kids. “I would definitely say this was probably one of the healthiest trends of 2022,” she noted.Rest as resistance“I’m loving [this] trend, and I want to encourage people to lean further into the trend of resting — so literally sleeping, napping, doing things that fill you up — as a form of resistance against oppression, against patriarchy, against all sorts of things,” said Taisha Caldwell-Harvey, a licensed psychologist and the founder and CEO of The Black Girl Doctor, an online therapy and wellness platform. Many Instagram posts and TikTok videos challenge the notion that rest is tied to being unproductive or lazy. Rest “is something productive and active that you’re doing,” Caldwell-Harvey said. She added doing things intentionally that give you joy (like resting) is a productive use of time. While this trend has been celebrated on social media this year, only some know how to practice it. Caldwell-Harvey said that she has to explain to many of her clients exactly what rest is — for the record, it’s not running errands, cleaning or doing dishes that you didn’t get to because of your nine-to-five. It’s sleeping, napping, curling up with a good book or doing whatever you need to fill your cup.Openness around diagnosesWhile year over year this has certainly gotten better, Games said she noticed in 2022 that more people were taking to TikTok to share their mental health diagnoses — whether it’s what prompted them to get help for bipolar disorder or how ADHD presents in them. “I think [this] has taken away some of the stigmas, some of the shame and maybe guilt associated with seeing a therapist or around taking medication for psychological reasons,” she said. While the stigma is not gone, these kinds of videos and posts have helped reduce it, Games added. They help put a real-life face to some of the diagnoses that hold a stigma — like autism or postpartum depression, she said. It’s also an excellent way to remind those living with any conditions that evidence-based treatments can change your life, she noted. We’re reminded that it’s important to remember that we can’t count on TikTok for an official diagnosis; that needs to come from a medical professional. But we can seek out education, community and support on the app. While the stigma is not gone, these kinds of videos and posts have helped reduce it, Games added. They help put a real-life face to some of the diagnoses that hold a stigma — like autism or postpartum depression, she said. It’s also an excellent way to remind those living with any conditions that evidence-based treatments can change your life, she noted. Low-intensity exerciseLow-intensity exercise (like walking, yoga, hiking and swimming) is increasingly popular, and for a good reason. According to Monal, the yoga teacher, people are more drawn to low-intensity exercise lately because of the societal shift many are experiencing now. We’re probably back in the hustle and bustle of life — in-person work, social gatherings and more. “Our bodies are burnt out, and I think more than ever now, a lot of people are waking up and realizing how they need to listen to their bodies a little more,” Monal said. “Those low-impact exercises, like pilates, yoga, even bodyweight exercises, I find a lot of people… are leaning toward more things that are going to be a little more gentle on the body.” She added that it’s also a good fitness move because it lifts society’s changing opinion on weight loss.  “I think it’s a reflection of the way our culture has shifted around exercise and also away from ‘oh you need to lose weight’ and more toward ‘what’s going to help me move and have mobility and flexibility as I continue to age,’” Monal said. I confess I’m not a regular TikTok viewer and don’t consider the source when I’m seeking professional advice. But “trends” as identified on these social media sites make their way to general Internet sites where all can see – and decide if there is applicability to one’s personal life. Like pretty much everything else going on in our lives, we listen/read/view what others say, experiment and decide if what we’re trying is useful and practical. Whatever the case, sincere best wishes for a happy, healthy and productive 2023! Courtesy Jillian Wilson Victoria Craig

Most of us are aware of Dopamine, a feel-good chemical that’s produced in your brain. Essentially, it makes us happy. And our brains release it with certain activities and behaviors ― many of which we already do everyday. A recent article reminds us that we can consciously aim to participate in at least some of these activities on a daily basis and thereby increase our feelings of well being. I have to confess that some of these activities seemed logical but a few were a surprise. “Whenever we participate in activities that are considered essential from our body’s point of view, our brain releases a large amount of dopamine,” which is meant to encourage you to do this activity more, according to Dr. Kiran F. Rajneesh, the director of the neurological pain division and associate professor of neurology at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.  The article notes that throughout evolution, dopamine’s task was to “sense reward, learn the place and activity that leads to reward and also motivate you to go to those places to obtain [a] reward,” said Dr. Hitoshi Morikawa, an associate professor in the departments of neuroscience and psychiatry at the University of Texas at Austin. And that is still the case today.  In essence, “dopamine is a reward sensor,” Morikawa said.While this reward sensor was and is essential to human survival, evolution has made it so maladaptive behaviors also result in the release of dopamine in humans, both experts said. “Generally, when neuroscientists talk about dopamine, we think about addiction because it is an addiction driver,” Morikawa explained.The hormone makes you want to repeat certain behaviors, turning them into habits ― whether they are healthy or not. (Like substance misuse or smoking, for example.) The article further notes that while this reward sensor was and is essential to human survival, evolution has made it so maladaptive behaviors also result in the release of dopamine in humans, both experts said. “Generally, when neuroscientists talk about dopamine, we think about addiction because it is an addiction driver,” Morikawa explained.  The hormone makes us want to repeat certain behaviors, turning them into habits ― whether they are healthy or not. (Like substance misuse or smoking, for example.) However, that’s not always the case, apparently. The release of this hormone is also part of our body’s daily function. While this is not a cure for any disease or condition, it can be helpful to know when dopamine is released — and when we can expect to feel a little mood boost as a result. The article highlights a few times when our body releases dopamine:EatingWe’re told that our prehistoric ancestors knew that food was necessary for survival, in part because of the reward sensor that dopamine activated. This is still true today. In fact, Rajneesh said that any activity that is “evolutionarily protective and essential for our well-being and survival” releases dopamine. Being able to find food and eat that food certainly falls into this category. Some studies even say that eating results in a dopamine release twice: first when the food is eaten and again when the food is in the stomach.Drinking WaterWhen you’re parched, a glass of water certainly feels like a reward, so it’s no wonder it also triggers the release of dopamine in our brain.  But not all sips of water will release dopamine, Morikawa noted. Instead, we have to really want or need the water — like after a tough workout or on a hot day. “In the middle of summer, and you’re really thirsty, then drinking water should increase dopamine levels in the brain — that should be one of the most effective ways to increase them,” he said.Receiving PraiseOne really common way that dopamine is released is when praising children for good behaviors, Rajneesh said. Praise triggers a release of dopamine in kids’ brains — and the same goes for praising pets. In these situations, their good behaviors are reinforced by the feel-good nature of that dopamine release, he said. The same is true when adults receive praise, Rajneesh added. So sending a congratulatory email to our colleagues or a celebratory text to a friend is actually doing more good than we think.Playing Video GamesMany studies have measured and found that playing video games results in the release of dopamine in the brain for some people, Morikawa noted. While this in itself is not a bad thing, it can become negative if the feeling of playing video games is too positive or too fun, he added. When “elevating dopamine levels, sometimes you get really hooked [onto] certain activities,” Morikawa said. In this case, that activity can be video games, which can lead to problems for people who aren’t professional gamers, he added. (For example, students who should be doing homework instead of playing.)Having SexSex causes a release of endorphins, as Dr. Elizabeth C. Gardner, an orthopedics sports medicine surgeon at Yale Medicine, previously told HuffPost. And studies show it also causes a release of dopamine. During evolution, the dopaminergic system developed to promote the “survival and maintenance of our species,” Morikawa said. In other words, there’s an instinctual reason sex feels so enticing. Our brains are wired to know that sex is important for survival, and the neurons that release dopamine do so when they sense the reward associated with the act.Activities That Enhance Your Well-BeingMeditating and other activities can also lead to a release of dopamine, Rajneesh said. “Engaging in activities that enhance your well-being such as yoga, exercise, hobbies [and] games ... can help release dopamine in the brain and further enhance your sense of well-being and health as nature intended it to be,” Rajneesh said. So there it is. Doesn't sound too difficult to engage in some if not all suggested activities. Don't worry, be happy! Courtesy Jillian WilsonVictoria Craig

I freely admit that I’m one of those people that don’t have anything specific to say when someone asks “What are your hobbies?” Many people can easily rattle off answers to this question ― crocheting, pottery, fishing, gardening, birdwatching or whatever entices them. But for others, no acceptable responses seem to come to mind. I love to travel but don’t really consider that a “hobby”.“A lot of times, labels like the word ‘hobby’ can have the propensity to evoke anxiety in us,” Bari Schwarz, a psychotherapist based in New York City and Charleston, South Carolina, told HuffPost. “We can panic or freeze when we’re put on the spot to answer with confidence what we enjoy. ‘Why can’t I think of anything?’ ‘Are my hobbies considered hobbies?’ ‘Am I lacking in some way in their mind?’”This recent article points out that it’s not abnormal to feel like we don’t have any hobbies ― or that our personal interests don’t count as actual hobbies. In this age of stress and burnout, the idea of having any free time to pursue passions can seem like a distant fantasy.So is it time to take the pressure off the idea of hobbies? Or perhaps redefine what the word means to us today? Below, Schwarz and other psychology experts share their thoughts and advice.What actually is a hobby?“A hobby at its core is an activity that one enjoys in their spare time,” Schwarz said. “So instead of feeling the pressure to list hobbies, if we were more simply to ask ourselves, ‘What do I derive pleasure from or enjoy doing?’ I think people would be surprised at how much easier it feels to answer.”We’re advised that hobbies don’t have to be “productive” or involve specific benchmarks of improvement or progress (though it’s perfectly fine if ours do).“Somebody once asked me in an interview what is my hobby, and I told them traveling,” said Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Langone Health. “They said, ‘Well that’s not really a hobby.’ But for me, it is. I like to learn, explore, enjoy ― and I feel rewarded. I’m immersed in it, growing from it. For me, traveling is a hobby, and I’m intentional about it. I practice it, and I put thought and effort into it. Am I getting better at it? Maybe not, but there’s nothing really to get better at.”She believes in expanding our definition of hobby to “what brings us meaning and joy.” Learning something new or getting better at a skill would just be an added bonus.The article notes that in our work-oriented “hustle culture,” remember that our hobby doesn’t have to be something we can turn into a “side hustle” ― like selling the sweaters we knit on Etsy.“There’s value in identifying things and activities that bring you pleasure or restoration during downtime, but it doesn’t have to be things traditionally considered hobbies to bring about the same positive psychological impact,” said Meg Gitlin, a New York City-based psychotherapist. “Perhaps this is enjoying a TV show when they finish for the day or going for a walk.” So instead of feeling the pressure to foster a suitable hobby in the eyes of others, it’s suggested we think about the activities that bring us enjoyment and feel like self-care. Ms Gitlin offered the definition of a hobby as “an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure” and encouraged people to look at how a certain activity or interest might improve their everyday life by helping them unwind, for instance.“I think the traditional concept of a hobby (i.e. painting, gardening) is great, but it is also a luxury for most people,” Gitlin noted. “With ever-expanding work days and the demands of day-to-day living, many people do not have the bandwidth to devote time to what is traditionally considered ‘a hobby.’”These days, to have hobbies is, in many ways, a privilege, according to the article.Why do we feel so much pressure around hobbies?“I think we live in a society that is very comparative, and people feel that their lives are ‘not enough,’” Gitlin noted. “We are quick to weigh ourselves down with ‘shoulds,’ when in fact we should recognize all that we are already doing and take a thoughtful and pragmatic approach when thinking about how we can use our free time as restorative.”“I think we live in a world where everyone has their own hobbies on display on social media, so not being able to name one quickly can feel like something is different about you,” said Rachel Thomasian, a licensed therapist and owner of Playa Vista Counseling in Los Angeles.“It’s OK if you enjoy cooking and your hobby is in practice while you cook dinner each night and nothing more. Where I challenge and push clients of mine is when I notice anxiety or depression keeping them from enjoying activities and connection with others.”The article stresses that what others consider to be a hobby or not needn’t dictate what we decide to do with our precious spare time. Yet we still feel a societal expectation around this highly personal aspect of life.“I think people feel pressure for the same reasons we generally do overall; because we want to fit in and feel appreciated by our peers,” said Alfiee Breland-Noble, an Arlington, Virginia-based therapist and founder of The AAKOMA Project. “Sometimes this means we aspire to accept the same things as others, even when we are not entirely sure whether or not the ‘thing’ we are aspiring to really fits for us.”She emphasized that identifying something as a hobby is completely relative.“We should never feel obligated to fit anyone else’s standard for who we are or what we enjoy,” Alfiee added. “As well, there is no one standard to which all people must adhere requiring them to have a hobby, so in my opinion, it is perfectly fine to not have a hobby.” We’re asked to remember that what brings us joy doesn't have to be something we turn into a side hustle.How can we overcome that sense of pressure?“I recommend just taking a step back and appreciating that what we do for self-care are things we derive enjoyment from on a personal level and therefore fit under the category of hobbies,” Schwarz said. “Whether it’s painting and ceramics or just going on a walk by yourself or an exercise class.”We’re advised to think about the things we do to foster a sense of work-life balance, whether it’s going to wine tastings, watching movies and TV shows or trying new restaurants with friends.“Treat yourself with a little bit of grace, stop comparing yourself to others and realize you do enjoy things,” Schwarz said. “No one’s ‘hobby’ is better than the next person’s. It’s all about what makes you unwind and what makes you carve out this work-life balance.”And rather than assess the value of a given hobby or if something counts as a hobby at all, we should ask ourselves what activities or qualities make us feel good and lean into those. We should also remember, it’s perfectly fine to be “bad” at our hobby of choice.“I like to ask people to list everything they do in a week that is not part of work, and then put those things in order of most to least enjoyable and think about what else they’d like to squeeze in there or do more of,” Thomasian said. “I also believe personal growth happens from engaging in new activities, so I am a firm believer [in] stretching oneself, but not through shame or force.Hobbies that involve more presence and participation can be particularly helpful in reducing stress, but finding what’s right for us is about trial and error. We shouldn’t worry if we feel like we can’t commit to a specific hobby, either. There’s value in picking things up for a time and putting them down.“I’m less interested in whether or not people have hobbies, but rather do they have healthy distractions to help them unplug from day-to-day stress and do they have good coping skills so that they aren’t turning to substances or unhealthy means of coping?” Varma noted.So we don’t have to dive into a hobby just for the sake of it. We should take advantage of the opportunity to do things that feel good for us.“I would tell people the same thing I tell my patients, that your guiding light should always be your internal compass and reflective insight,” Alfiee said. “If we can take the time to carefully think about what is meaningful to us, then we will always assure ourselves that the choices we make reflect our individual values and desires, making those choices a much better fit for us.”“And who knows us better than we know ourselves?” she added. “Ideally no one, so what others think about our choices should always be secondary to what we believe and know about ourselves.” Courtesy HuffPostVictoria Craig

At some point, we may find our lives/lifestyle moving in a different direction, away from our current pursuits and into new territory. Sometimes this situation can be a literal move, a pre-planned one or something over which we have no control. Whatever the circumstances, starting a new chapter in our life can be challenging, to say the least, as we embark on a journey through unknown territory. Leaving a career certainly fits into this category but even involving ourselves in new, never before experienced activities, can evoke the same negative emotions.So for those for whom the above description is applicable, it may be helpful to hear what Serena Williams had to say about her next life adventure. Most people are familiar with the name Serena Williams, even if you don’t follow tennis or sports in general.A recent article about Serena suggests that deciding to end a career to which you have dedicated your whole life is never easy. Even when you’re a superstar athlete like Serena Williams, it can be difficult to know when to move on –– especially when you and your sister Venus are responsible for revolutionizing the sport.In a candid Vogue essay , the 23-time Grand Slam champion revealed how she has been emotionally preparing to focus on “other things that are important to me” after this year’s U.S. Open.“I have never liked the word retirement. It doesn’t feel like a modern word to me. I’ve been thinking of this as a transition, but I want to be sensitive about how I use that word, which means something very specific and important to a community of people,” Williams wrote.  “Maybe the best word to describe what I’m up to is evolution. I’m here to tell you that I’m evolving away from tennis, toward other things that are important to me. A few years ago I quietly started Serena Ventures, a venture capital firm. Soon after that, I started a family. I want to grow that family.”  The article points out that by framing her choice to move on as an ongoing evolution, Williams confirms a hard truth about these big career decisions: They’re often not a decision someone just wakes up to one day, they can be a series of starts and stops, and it’s OK to feel contradictory emotions about it.  Even if we’re not superstar athletes with gold medals and numerous titles, everyone will have to face this kind of crossroads or a decision to move on sometime in their career. The article proposes that Williams’ insights into the process can be an example of how to do it thoughtfully and gracefully.  Framing retirement as an “evolution” shows that ending one career chapter doesn’t mean starting the next one from scratch.  Tanisha Ranger, a Nevada-based clinical psychologist, said she enjoys Williams’ use of the word “evolution” to describe her retirement, because the word retirement often carries negative, final connotations.  “Her categorizing it as evolution, as opposed to retirement, is the difference between looking at it as ‘This is an end, and it’s all downhill from here’ or ‘This end is the beginning of something new. I’m going to grow, I’m going to evolve, I’m going to change,’” Ranger said.  “The word ‘retirement’ often comes with grief and confusion for many,” said Katheryn Perez, a California-based psychotherapist. “Serena’s ability to shift her mindset from retirement to evolution is the perfect example of who she is as an athlete, and her ability to pivot, her courage and strength.”  By framing it as an evolution, Williams is also pointedly showing how ending one career for a new one doesn’t mean that the experience and skills gained from one profession are not transferable to the next one.  Sian Beilock, a sports psychologist, president of Barnard College, and author of “Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To,” a book that explores how athletes perform under pressure, said Williams’ essay demonstrates how her decision to stay true to herself and work hard at everything she does goes into what she does as a mother and what she does in her venture capital business.  In this way, choosing to retire one career is “not taking away your entire identity, it’s taking aspects of yourself that you value and putting it towards something different,” Beilock said.  It’s normal to have mixed feelings about ending something so important to you. Bottling those emotions is bad.  As Williams wrote, she is not entirely ready to move on, and she does not feel relief about doing so, like some of her other colleagues in tennis have felt.  “There is no happiness in this topic for me. I know it’s not the usual thing to say, but I feel a great deal of pain,” Williams wrote in Vogue. “It’s the hardest thing that I could ever imagine. I hate it. I hate that I have to be at this crossroads. I keep saying to myself, I wish it could be easy for me, but it’s not. I’m torn: I don’t want it to be over, but at the same time I’m ready for what’s next.”  Ranger said Williams’ mixed emotions speak to how many people facing this crossroads often feel: “When your life priorities change, you may know what you need to do, but that doesn’t mean that you are going to like it,” she said. “I would say whenever you are coming to a big life transition, to allow yourself to feel all the contradictory emotions about it.”  Ranger used herself as an example, citing how she knew that moving to a different city for a job with a 40% raise was the right move, but she still missed the community and friends she had in her old city, which made her decision very hard.  “It was hard to leave, even though it was the right thing to do,” she said. “I think that we get so caught up in ‘This is good, this is right, I should feel good about it,’ and it’s ‘No, you are going to feel everything about it. It’s OK to allow yourself to grieve that loss even though you know that it’s the best thing for you.’”  By letting us into the process of making a monumental career change, Williams helps normalize the sadness and gratefulness one can be feeling while making such a transition.  “Just like Serena, we can start seeing ourselves and our lives as an evolution,” Perez said. “We can evolve into a new version of ourselves, one that gives us the ability to explore new ways of living, thinking, and feeling. You have the right to evolve, shift and pivot in life.”  Even as she heads toward the next chapter of her career, Williams never stops being a trailblazer, on and off the court.  As Williams herself put it, “Over the years, I hope that people come to think of me as symbolizing something bigger than tennis...I’d like it to be: Serena is this and she’s that and she was a great tennis player and she won those slams.” Courtesy Monica Torres, HuffpostVictoria Craig